Meredith, what a blessing to have such an open minded example through youth. WOW!

Jersey Girl,

I just quit my "big time' job. I, too, was the only female department head of a large male corporation. I did this for 20 years and fought the system the entire way.

Now that I am raisng a son to be a gentleman, I found my day life and evening life in total conflict. Not to mention my health and my realtionship with my husband.

With benefits, I was also six figures and am a bit anxious about finding another job, benefits etc but with faith I will be better off.

I could not play the game either. I had these male counterparts tell me they could not stand to walk on a certain side of the building because all "the women were over there". I should have told him maybe he would learn a thing or two if he did. GRRR>

Would love to contribute to a book. It is up to us to raise yound men that will not succumb to this type of gamesmanship.

Lynn

There is another side to that as well. Once a woman "makes it" in a corporate world, there are some women who will turn against her. Its almost like they consider her "the enemy" once her new role is announced. I know...been there, done that. I was made a manager and suddenly I was dropped from lunches, parties, etc. that was given or thrown by "the girls." I was left out in the cold when they gathered to chit chat, and once I LEFT the managerial role (my own choice), I was immediately welcomed back into the folds of their sisterhood. Trust me, I found new sistahs after that experience. I never could figure that one out. So it is not just the men who discriminate.

JJ

Dianne - it doesn't sound to me like being corporate material is something to want...this coming from someone who walked away from corporate jobs and now shovels manure for a living...grin.

My heart goes out to anyone who is real and you sound *Very Real*. This is a tough old world for *Very Real* people...right, Boomer Sibs? We all know, don't we?

A person would think this "corporate" mind set wouldn't be a problem down on the farm...right?
WRONG! There are people in this county who won't visit me because I "live in a big house". ---Heck, if they feel that bad about it, why don't they come over and help me clean this "big house"!?--- There are women of color in this county who won't visit me because "it's just not done" --- because "the power structure, white of course --- will cast a jaundiced eye to poor old not understanding white Sandra.

Sorry folks need to get over themselves. There's not gonna be segregation in Heaven; that comes beforehand and it has *nothing* to do with color!

Dianne - come visit me and we'll laugh out loud together at those silly people!

Not knowing or visiting you Sandra is definitely THEIR LOSS....This world of ours would be a very dull and ugly place without different colors, can't they see that???

Have you ever played this game: Sit in a crowded place and watch the people walk by and try to guess what they do for a living? Or, see a homeless person and dress them in expensive clothes and fix their hair and think about how different they would come across to people? I do this all the time. We judge unfairly and often because of a job someone holds. The movie Crash is a good example of prejudice and racism.

Sandra, when I first met my editor, I remarked about never being invited to anyone's home. She told me it was because we were like royalty in that small town (because of my husband's job) and I almost choked I laughed so hard. Sadly, it turned out that way because I had to have my own party if I wanted to go to one. But then, my silver lining was the alone time to sit down and write my book.

JJ, you're so right. Women are the first to shoot their wounded. I just don't get it and never will. It's almost like we want to see our own gender fail so we'll feel better about ourselves and that sounds like an entire chapter in a book!!!!!

I had an experience a while back where the snobby difficult person was the husband and the compassionate, albeit mistaken, person, was the wife. We were up at my mother-in-law's farm and conditions were very primitive at the time - no hot water, no bath or bathroom, etc. A couple had been lied to and ended up turning in our turnaround with their Corvette in a trailer, because no one higher up wanted their yard ruined with the tire marks. Their vehicle got stuck in our mud and the husband was furious. His wife, I could tell, thought we were like people from Appalachia because of our appearance, despite the fact that all of us were college educated or more, and she wanted to pay us to reseed the lawn. My mother-in-law asked her instead to make a donation to her deceased husband's scholarship fund, which she did. I like the memory, because I try to remember the assumptions that were made about us in that situation, but I also appreciated that the lady was gracious despite who she thought we were. It is a weird feeling, however, having people look at you and assume you are poorly educated and materially poor before we had uttered a word.

We do that, don't we? Judge for unknown reasons. Is it our conditioning or how we were raised or what? And, how do we make sure we don't ever do it again? It's a fascinating subject, isn't it?

We probably developed it originally to learn how to notice things and protect ourselves, but we do not need that so much anymore. I try to train myself to think counterintuitively with positive assumptions from apparently negative data, e.g., assuming a speeding car cutting me off and passing me is carrying a heart transplant instead of just speeding. I also try to ask a question that is not judgmental or does not reveal a particular bias and have been relieved many a time that I did not articulate my assumption. This leads to another issue sort of, which is why people ascribe the sex or race of a person as the reason why they do what they do, e.g., drive poorly. I hear it more than I would like when I am a passenger or bystander and I always wonder why those are the attributes they select for why someone does what they do, when they do not seem to have any logical relation to the conduct in question. I almost think that has to be learned behavior over time, although I have sometimes asked the "offender" if they heard it at home (when I can ask without offending myself) and they almost invariably deny that their parents said the same sort of thing.

My husband is Jewish and it hurts and offends me when people make jokes regarding his faith, like they are all tight with money, etc. Ironically, as a young boy, he attended religious school and they taught tolerance and understanding of other's faith. Maybe we should all do that.

My parents were racist. I think that's why I'm not. It was so ridiculous and uncalled for. I could never understand their reasoning, if that's what you want to call it. Beyond reason to me.