Something Chatty posted got me to thinking. When is cheating really cheating? If he looks at dirty books behind your back and frequently, is it cheating?

If he visits porno sites on the Internet frequently, is it cheating?

If he forms a close, no sex, relationship with another woman, is it cheating?

If he's always looking at other women, even when you're with him, is it cheating?

If he refuses to be sexual or intimate with you, is it cheating in a way, like cheating you out of intimacy, etc.?

We don't have to go into Bill Clinton's history to describe what defines real sex but what could be cheating to a woman may not be to a man...unless he catches his wife doing the same thing!

Input or ideas on this?

According to Dr. Phil (and Oprah) and especially ME AND MY OPINION all of the above constitutes cheating because whenever he takes the time away from you and your personal intimacy he is cheating you, thusly cheating on you. Tell me, would it hurt any less to know your husband is actually holding another woman in his arms or just wanting to and thinking of her or them when with you, or NOT being with you because he's mentally with them. Sick I know but then remember I've done phone sex (calls) with many many of these sicko's and hear what they think...Ladies you would be surprised NO, shocked is a better word here. Men really are pigs, they really are...

That's right Chatty, I forgot. I guess more and more people are using the defense of "Internet Cheating" in divorce cases these days. I knew a man whose wife left him for some man she'd never even met in person but had been corresponding with on the Internet. Strange.

Do you think there is something missing in a marriage when there is this type of cheating or is it just a man being a pig? I'm writing right now on this subject so exploring the topic.

Is it better that he has Internet or Phone Sex than finding a call girl and physically having sex?

Did any of these men give reasons or did they truthfully admit they just wanted outside sex? Also, with Internet sex, there is no talking, just looking (I think, I've never done it ) so is it as damaging?

I think I would be more upset about an emotional affair. Telling another woman things my husband should be sharing with me and why is it easier to share outside the marriage than within it? What causes it? Boredom?

Maybe there are women who WANT their husband's to find it on the Internet so they'll leave them alone!

If someone becomes emotionally involved with someone of the opposite sex (or not! )outside of their marriage, then that could be construed as "cheating".

If someone feels more open with another person and looks forward to the times they share and not their spouse, they're not working hard enough on their own relationship and cheating their spouse.

Can men and women just be friends? I believe that is true. Can they leave the sex out of the relationship? Hmmm.. If they're both secure in themselves and have good marital relationships with their respective spouses, I don't see why not. But, all it takes is one time, to look at that person in a new light, a new way, to ruin a perfectly good friendship and possibly a marriage too.

Using the Internet is the same as if you met someone face to face. I believe the intimacy grows faster on the Internet because there isn't the same code of conduct as there is when meeting and talking to someone face to face. The anonimity releases someone from ethics or morals that would normally keep them in check when face to face.

How many times have people told others their deepest darkest secrets over a chat or in a forum, then gasp and say "I've never told anyone that before!" That kind of intimacy breeds and has no where to go but up, or down if you want to look at it that way..

And, as Chatty can tell us, even over the phone people (men) can become a bit more "free" with their thoughts and feelings and say things they wouldn't normally say in a face to face relationship. However, I believe that phone sex and Internet sex are definitely cheating.

Dianne you are so right and Vicki let me see if I can answer your questions.

I don't necessarily believe theres something missing at home with some men that do phone or internet sex. Some have admitted to me that their wives are great and do anything they can to satisfy them BUTand thats the word used, there are things they feel or think about that they could NEVER discuss or do with their wife. They can with me because I act like its just fascinating and so exciting (I am after all called a phone actress) so I act and these fols are so anxious to hear someone agree with them, they eat it up. Some men however are just pigs...plain and simple. If a woman is going to look the other way its easier if hes doing his cheating with a voice on the phone or an image on the screen than actually rolling around with a woman in person.YOU CAN'T CATCH OR SPREAD DISEASE OVER A PHONE OR COMPUTER, the wife is actually safer this way. Reaons, I've heard them all. My wife is a prude, cold, uses sex as a weapon, and so on. I have had men actually fall in love with my character, I mean cry and beg her to meet them and sent me gifts, expensive gifts and money to get me to love them. All this was taken from their family's. I'm sure the family was comfortable too but who knows? Just this morning I had a new guy who said it was his first time calling BUT and theres that word again, his wife didn't want to be bothered anymore and told him, "oh go find a friend," he did, me!! He will be a good repeat caller. I can tell. Ladies I could tell you so many stories and maybe will one day write it all down. These men are cheating, no doubt about it, for however the call or chat takes, thy are stealing that time and that energy and yes, that 'release' from their spouse....

I would feel deeply betrayed if my husband got emotionally close to another woman and especially since he's so closed with me. Phone sex would get his you know what's cut off and Internet sex would just really hurt. I would want to smack him in the back of the head and I'm a woman who is against violence!

Chatty, you should write a book. I bet there are a lot of women who would be interested in what goes on behind the scenes. I would. Especially since I feel I know you and believe you're a very special person. I could never do it...I'd either start laughing or they would hear me snoring.

Well........I'm not so sure I think it's cheating and I don't necessarily think there is something missing in the marriage if a man (or woman) watches some porn or reads a Playboy magazine now and then. And you're right, at least it doesn't spread disease (I used to work in a sexually transmitted disease clinic.) I think I'd draw the line at phone sex though. I don't think there's something missing in the marrige - not in all cases - rather something missing in themselves. You're right - they are pigs!!
(Present husband excluded )
Louisa

My boss has listened in (they can monitor) on me and every now and then he'll ask me not to try to council these guys and get them to appreciate what they have at home. I do what I can in cases where the man admits he's happy at home but then there are those that are just plain oinkers and nothing I say would change that. This for me is just a JOB, yes, I am good at it and make good money. I have become spoiled, tried to go straight but couldn't afford to work for $7.00 to $9.00 an hour while paying for gas, clothes being cleaned, lunchs etc. So I do this. I am an actress, I act and thats all I do. I sit at my computer and write, file my nails or even cook while I wear a headset and jabber. It's really funny to think I am a 64 year old GORGEOUS but overweight Grandmother of 3. I say I'm 30, Long waist length dark hair, soft teal blue eyes. 5 ft. 6 (the only truth)and a 36D-24-35....Ya, in their dreams, ha ha...Hey, it pays the bills....

I agree there is definitely something missing within themselves if men/women need to go outside their marriages for sexual pleasures. I also think something is missing within the marriage.

I'm fortunate because I'm in a good marriage, but I think it's pitiful when people can't be themselves with their spoouses. Sex within a marriage can be anything the couple wants it to be. If there is something one partner wants in their sex life, they should be able to ask for it from their partner. There shouldn't have to be another outlet if the couple agrees to outdo one another with kindness. The desire should be to please the partner.

You ladies know I'm PollyAnna, but that's my two cents.

Chatty, that's so funny. It serves them right to be lied to. They live lies. I'm getting this visual of a woman sitting at a pc filing her nails and talking into a headset. And some guy thinking he's so wonderful this woman really likes him. They're not just pigs, they're stupid, gullible pigs.
Louisa