Sex in marriage helps develop the most intimate of adult relationships. Intimacy is the primary asset of a marriage and any time it is spent outside the marriage the other partner is cheated of a very precious aspect.
Sex outside marriage, either physical, electronic, or simply imagined injures the intimacy between the partners and cheats the marital partner of a primary marital asset. It is cheating.

I'm almost a newlywed so at this point sex is a huge part of our relationship. It is one way we are becoming more and more intimate.
The intimacy of our marriage will hopefully continue to grow even as the effects of age ravage our physical bodies.
We are guarding the intimacy of our marriage to the best of our ability.
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Whether it is considered cheating or not, any emotional estrangement is destined to cause bigger problems. While one of you wrote that reading or watching porn isn't cheating, I'd suggest reading playboy or penthouse forum together. It may open the door to communication that might not otherwise happen.

Regardless of how close we are to someone, all of us have our hang ups about intimacy and although I've been w/ my husband for 17plus years, it took me about 15 before I was able to finally be completely open about my sexual needs and likes and dislikes. I don't know why that is, we always had a good relationship sexually, but things can get stale and we need to be able to tell our partner that.

But finally, cheating is not confined to sex or extra marital affairs or porn or any of that. My husband admitted to me once that he felt more threatened by my ability to talk to strangers of any gender, to befriend someone easily, than ever about me running around w/ someone sexually. All of us in a relationship need to feel that we are that special someone, that cherished, needed person to someone else. It's too easy when we're living lives, working and raising kids to start taking things for granted, putting the relationship last. I know I've been guilty of it and so has my husband.

Once that gap exists, cheating of some kind is sure to follow.

AMEN, AMEN TO THAT You Kathryn hit the nail on the head. I will never know why things are the way they are betwen the sexes, Lord knows I have tried to figure it out. Women are so different from men it's mind boggeling. But there are about a thousand phone sex companies in the States today and they all make money for the owners, plus the discusting sex sites on the internet and all the Adult book stores opening yearly ALL getting rich on garbage mostly only frequented by males..Something is terribly wrong somewhere in this society we live and raise our children in. Why the males mostly I mean. Some females are trash as well but not as a rule...oh well.

I'm seriously concerned about the generation coming of age. The simple television shows can warp these little minds. Add movies and internet and you can have a course for destruction.

Kids have too much screen time! Don't get me started....

Last night while sitting at the computer and doing the ocsasional phone call (was working) I decided to ask the married callers a question if they seemed talkative. The question I posed was:
B]What does the word MARRIAGE mean to you??[/B]

I asked the question to a dozen callers and the conscensus was its just a TITLElike saying Mr. or that a man's a Plumber or a CEO or a Doctor. Its like his job, he has certain duties to perform for the boss (wife.)
Not ONE man said anything that had to do with love, honesty or commitment. Several even said and if you don't do a good job, you get fired, you know, divorced. Maybe it was because they were talking to another woman but they seemed truly serious and matter-of-fact about it all. Scary, huh??

Chatty, you are in a unique position to write a book that would help a lot of women. You could ask a lot of questions like that of the men who call you. We're all curious as to what constitutes cheating and why men (and women too) cheat. You could do a survey that would develop data unavailable anywhere else just by asking questions and taking notes. I don't think you have to get permission unless you use names, etc.

If you need help getting a list of survey questions together, I've done a few and will volunteer. It might give us all at least an idea of why some of the men on your phone do what they do.

This could be God's calling for your life. It's a way to use all of your life's experience (even the ones that do not necessarily look like blessings all the time) for the glory of God. Seems to me that God does that a lot. At least in my life.

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I've been away/busy for a while and certainly have missed a great chat.

Chatty, I must've missed the post where you went back to 'chatting.' Hope all is well for you there.

My two cent:

I agree that some men are just pigs! I was careful to state, 'some' here. Since my line of business is computer related, if/when I instant chat w/someone, it is mainly in the computer chat lobby or related (sometimes hacker's chatrooms have great shortcuts to max problems).

More recently, during this past summer, I met someone online that could help w/a puter related issue. The problem was complex, therefore, we spent a few hours, then days chatting. Upon the completion of this project/problem, we continued to chat. We found that we had comparible needs; he had the skill and I had the public relation/customers needed to run a business. Both of us needed revenue. Thus, a business relationship was formed.

During the course of our now business relationship, we exchanged info which led to the revealations of our sexes since our screen names didnt reveal them. Upon his findings that I am a woman, his chat ettique changed.

He started discussing 'home-life' with me. I called it protocal and lended him an ear. Since we had formed this 'relationship' I gave him deep, heartful and caring advice/opinions/and possible woman's interpretation of behaviors.

The inevitable conversation is always bound to surface as we are adults; SEX. My business partner is now intrigued by my 'protocal' conversation, patience as well as convictions. We discuss sex thoroughly. Now he's in love!

I need to re-route this conversation since he's so off course, right? Well, we get into this very topic: Is internet sex, relationship, cheating. I told him that in a way, what he's been chatting about w/me is cheating because he's told me things about her that I should not know, I should not be the wiser of your anatomical endowment, nor carnal preferences. Of course, he begs to differ.

Another example: My current male friend, the minister for those that are aware, told me that he still has feelings for the wife he's had for 20+ years. Immediately, yet subtly, I back off. As much as I'd like to say that it's all due to honor, my decision is also based on protecting my own feelings and interests.

While, on the other hand, I was just an honorary guest for a friend that didn't back off when the man stated that he was having marital problems. He and his wife divorced and my friend married him and they seem happy with one another.

What really constitutes cheating? How do you know when he or the combo of problems are worth delving into someone else's love. Could it be that her problem w/my business partner can turn into a real relationship since he agrees w/me? Could it be that I am supposed to show this minister that I can be his new and improved version of love? Who really knows?

Like Chatty, I was just talking. Her pay was for sure. My talking could lead to better output-revenue. The likehood of me ever actually physically meeting this man is real slim. During our 'protocal' conversation, he told me why he didn't attend his significant other's mother's final call. Her mother was very ill and they made a life and death decision to pull the plug.

Now, when this man shared with me his stupid reason for not being by her side, no matter what was going on, I cringed. I actually argued with this person-on-online, my business partner/wanna-be-lover. I knew personally that I would not want him.

But, back to the main session, he cheated her of the comfort of his love, even tho (maybe) it used to be love. I personally would go to be by anyone's side that I love or have loved for something like so serious as to have to pull the plug on their mother.

Unfortunately though, the woman that may think her husband/mate is cheating via the internet with some floozy w/o morals or convictions, this one, granted she thought that, was wrong. What can I do with a man that explicitly states that he purposely did stand by his woman's side in such a case? NOTHING! Well, unless I'm a low self-esteem, cheap, no-good-for-nothing sl^t that gets off on being abused.

Contro-Smiles

Smilinize, its true I have the ability to delve into the psyche of alot of these men and I have kept notes for years. I would be very happy to have any womans questions answered via these men on the phone. Just send me your questions as a group or singularily and I'll get you some honest answers......

I find it amazing that no matter how hard I try to remove myself from this job, for one reason or another the necessity of my returning always crops up. I do believe someone is trying to tell me something...

Sugar, This is the way it all starts except I am not on the internet. Hey DO YOU WANT A JOB??

I think my first question would be:

(If married) Would he be upset to discover his wife was having phone or Internet sex with a man? Would he apply the same excuses to her behavior as he does for his own?

Chatty, I think I would move into the questioning slowly and subtly. Maybe put them at ease with impersonal questions about how they found out about your service, about their wife and children. Their age and profession. If they are married and how long. Then ask them specifics as to what they want from the conversation (i.e. sexual release, emotional touch, lustful adventure, fettish, kinky stuff? Maybe what other types of sex they engage in and how often and when and how it started along with other things you might want to know.
Then continue with some other conversation.
Then maybe how anonymous sex differs from sex in person.
Maybe why they are seeking anonymous sex instead of having it with their wives?
Though it might be fun to know what they would think if it were their wives doing what they are doing, it would probably put them on the defensive and lose their cooperation and them as a repeat customer Though you might be able to do it if you used a sweet voice.

Chatty, if you developed a well documented survey of that type, even if you didn't write a book, it might be saleable to phone sex companies as marketing data and/or as a psychological study.
Seems like information that might be helpful to parents as well as spouses as we contend with this electronic onslaught of sexuality.
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