Kidogo,

Wow is right. I am so sorry you had to endure that by yourself! There are a bunch of folks who don't say too much in this world, for fear of being rejected, but occasionally, you just have to let it loose. I sometimes think that's one of the greatest advantages (and disadvantages) of the Internet. You have relative anonymity, so it's sometimes easier to spout what you can't in your personal relationships.
I even went through some therapy via e-mail, because I just couldn't say what I needed to say
in the therapist's office!
You and Scorpio should take full advantage of this place--or any place where you can the peace you need.
And just so you know, there are plenty others who care...
Sending a huge electronic hug to both of you!

Kidogo,
How horrible that you were made to feel you could not grieve. It breaks my heart to read this. Do others not realize that for you it was a part of you that was torn from your heart? Bless you, and bless your heart. You can grieve here. We offer open arms. I hope you find some kind of peace.

And Scorpio, same to you hon. It's amazing to me how many of us were "let go" from our jobs and I know the angst and "special" feelings that follow a downsizing, or riff, as some call it. A riff is right. It tears at your heart and you hear it go riffffff! To me it was traumatizing. So that alone is enough to deal with, much less anything else.

We're here, we listen, we care. Share as little or as much as you want.

JJ

Just let it all hang out. Anyone in here that doesn't want to listen or answer you fine, thats their choice but as a rule everyone is kind, listens and is forthcoming with advice and like situations they themselves have suffered through. The comraderie here is infectious and so helpful. I for one am glad you both found us and hope you will be comfortabe and even offer others your advice. We are all sisters here after all.....

kidogo, i am so sorry for the loss of your son and that you have gone through so much alone. the trouble is, even the most sympathetic of friends or family cannot possibly feel the depth of your sorrow with you unless they, too, have buried a child. so while you wish for the understanding, you don't want anyone you love to know what you know. it is a catch 22 for you.

please check out www.thecompassionatefriends.org

this is a support group for bereaved parents (some chapters have sibling groups, too). i have been with our local chapter since about a year after my daughter died in 1994. there are online discussions as well as chapters having meetings all over the country.

my heart is with you. if i can help you in any way, just say it. i will also reply to private message if you wish to send one.

Hey, too bad I didn't have you ladies before now. You are all the greatest in my book. You are the sisters I never had. Thank you. And hugs to you, too.

The strange part about no one wanting to deal with my grief was the reason they all gave me: It was becuase they knew how much I loved him and the pain I felt was more than they could bear because they loved me too much.

Ok-a-a-a-ay. Hmph. Guess I was supposed to understand that and not hurt them with my pain, huh? Go figure.

I did go to a grief therapy group. I met a mother that lost her baby in child-birth (mine was 17 years old-cancer). We helped each other. I told her I felt like it was easier for me because at least I had 17 years before he died. She said she felt it was easier for her becuase she didn't know her son. Then we hugged and cried and neither one of us needed to go back to that group anymore. By meeting and sharing our pain we found a way to deal with our loss.

One thing about losing my son is that it did teach me what it felt like to bury a child and that in turn made me able to help a friend of mine last year. Her son was killed in Iraq. I was the only one she could turn to that understood everything she was feeling and thinking. I gave her a teddy bear to hold in her arms when she needed to hold her son. It was what I did. We both still hug our little bears when we need to. It helps.

kidogo, what you and the other mother at the grief group found was exactly what we do at the compassionate friends - connect with each other, comfort, understand and share the pain. i'm so glad you found that connection with another grieving mom. another benefit is that those of us who have been there awhile can help those newer in their grief to feel less alone. looks like you have found your way to both of those concepts already - well done!

as for the friends who couldn't bear your pain, you learn over time who you can and cannot share your pain with. unfortunately, that process is painful, too.

it is hard to remember that no matter how sympathetic friends and family are, they just don't get it. and do we want them to? to "get it" means to lose a child. i've learned to cut them a lot of slack. truth is, they didn't live with Missi or experience her daily presence so they can't possibly understand the depth of my sorrow nor can i expect them to. because of that it's easy for them to get on with their lives.

sometimes, especially lately, i feel like i've been left behind. they all have gone on with their lives and i can't. yes, my life goes on in many ways, but deep in my heart, it ended with my daughter's. her death changed the degree of importance i give to everyday things like decorating my home or my wardrobe and given me new purpose in making life better for those i love. i'm not me anymore. i'm a new and different me while they are pretty much the same. it is very confusing and discouraging sometimes but i have come to accept it to be the way of things now.

anyway, glad to know ya, sis, looking forward to getting to know you better.

I cannot imagine the grief that comes with losing a child...I pray to God I never will. I pray also that those having lost a child no matter what age, know that they are in a far better place, with God....

I don't know about you gals, but I feel like such a whiner for grieving the death of my mom.

I can't imagine grieving the death of one of my children. My mother's heart goes out to all of you who have lost a child. I think I need to add a group prayer to my list for boomer women who have already lost children. There are several in these forums.

I wish all of you sweet peace.

Also, another topic mentioned in this post is the physical distance between boomers and their children/grandchildren. The travel industry should offer grandparent specials.