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#61119 - 02/12/06 07:03 PM Re: can't find peace
Scorpio115 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/05
Posts: 44
Loc: New York
AvalonBlondi:
Every kind word said is medicinal. Your post warms my heart because you may not be experiencing what I am but you are trying hard to understand and offering the idea that there is hope. You are also extending friendship and I appreciate it. I know I sound like a real "whiner" but it's only because I haven't really figured out a way to place this issue in a corner of my mind and move on while the years pass. My faith isn't too strong and life kinda chips away at you but I've still got a lot to be grateful for and maybe an answer lies around the corner. It's snowing here in NY and I know my little grandkids would love this!

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#61120 - 02/12/06 10:36 PM Re: can't find peace
AvalonBlondi Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
You certainly don't sound like a "whiner" to me Scorpio..each person's pain is very real and should never be judged or scoffed at by others in my opinion...and you're right..I am not experiencing the same thing as you...but as a mother I can certainly put myself in your place...and I know I would be as devastated and feeling as lonely as you do...feel free to come here whenever you need an open ear or a warm heart...Dotsie created a soft place for all of us to fall...we can get through this whole aging gracefully thing together...what is it they say about safety in numbers? This forum makes me feel "not so alone"...I'm hoping you will feel that too.... [Smile]

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#61121 - 02/12/06 10:52 PM Re: can't find peace
Scorpio115 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/05
Posts: 44
Loc: New York
I had written another post and then immediately deleted it because I wasn't comfortable saying what I did. However, as long as I'm going to use this forum as a place to find comfort, I've got to be honest. I am not only feeling heartache, but disappointment and anger as well. I love my DIL very, very much and that is no lie but she has been quite selfish. If her family lived up here, they'd surely be visiting. They'd find a way. And if her grandparents were still alive and living up here, they'd definitely come on up. But then they probably wouldn't be down there. I've watched my whole family become disassembled. They haven't done anything to bridge the gap. It all hangs on us.

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#61122 - 02/12/06 11:08 PM Re: can't find peace
AvalonBlondi Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
I hear what you are saying Scorpio...I only have one son...3 daughters...but only one son...he is 29 and still unmarried...and really a bright light in my life...I would be crushed if the girl he marries takes him away from us...so I can truly truly feel your pain...the fact that your DIL lives close to her family and seems to be ignoring your son's need to be with his family would anger me as well...it's ok to feel all of the things you feel...you are human...and you love and miss your child and his children...I think the whole situation is terrible...I wish your DIL would have some kind of an Epiphany and see how lucky her children are to have 2 sets of grandparents...she does sound like she is very self centered...that doesn't make it easy or fair for you... [Frown]

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#61123 - 02/12/06 11:10 PM Re: can't find peace
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
I too love your honesty and your heart Scorpio. I just haven't posted because I can't seem to find the right words that lend comfort. Please know I am thinking about you though and believe your pain to be sooo REAL, and it NEVER, EVER, crossed my mind to label you a whiner. EVER.

God go with you, JJ

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#61124 - 02/12/06 11:27 PM Re: can't find peace
Scorpio115 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/05
Posts: 44
Loc: New York
Nancy/JJ:
Thank you both.......so much.

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#61125 - 02/13/06 02:26 PM Re: can't find peace
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
scorpio, do you think your DIL is aware of what she's doing? Or do you think she's so into her family, she doesn't give you all a thought?

I read a neat idea about distance grandparenting the other day. How about sending the kids disposable cameras so they can shoot pictures of their family, friends, neighborhood, pets, etc. and send them to you?

I couldn't give up if I were in your shoes. I'd keep making every effort.

How about sending them soemthing for Valentine's Day?

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#61126 - 02/14/06 12:13 AM Re: can't find peace
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Bless your heart and keep the faith because it really does get better...I haven't seen my youngest son now for 11 years, his choice not mine. Does it still hurt, yes but its not evermost on my mind anymore...

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#61127 - 02/18/06 10:24 PM Re: can't find peace
Scorpio115 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/05
Posts: 44
Loc: New York
Sue:
I'd like to get into the topic of psycho bosses and being laid off. It was and still is a source of pain for me and as long as you're giving me an "ear" I'm willing to share with you some of my experience. After 9/11 (and I worked at the WTC but thank God was spared) my organization went into a restructure and I, along with my group,were put to work under the supervision of a new boss, who had just started with the company. It didn't get off to a good start and I had bad feelings about him. I can get into specifics, instances and so on but it will have to be with several posts because, to be fair, it is quite lengthy. I worked for the company for 17 years but the last 3 were for him, as his executive assistant. Therefore, I had the misfortune of working closely with him. In all the years I worked for the company, with a number of managers and groups, where my position was often extended and my role was more demanding, I never had a problem and the number of years spent in the same firm speaks for itself. I lost several bosses, as happens, who left the company, but they always asked me to come with them, so I guess I couldn't have been too bad, could I? I always chose to stay because of the security in staying with the same place as benefits, etc. were adding up. In all the years there, I received great commendations and evaluations, all on record. In the end though, HR wasn't much help. I'll continue this later as I have to sign off right now.

[ February 18, 2006, 09:16 PM: Message edited by: Scorpio115 ]

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#61128 - 02/19/06 01:16 AM Re: can't find peace
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
My parents sound like your in-laws. Will never put themselves out for anyone other than traveling missionaries, etc. They forget my kids birthdays and are basically selfish.

I believe the day will come when life will throw something at them like illness or death and then, they will either want or expect your husband to be there for them.

It's very sad what family members do to each other. I have no sense of a close knit family other than with my kids and husband.

I'm just sad that your little family is going through this pain.

I cut off communications with my parents for almost 12 years. When people asked me why I told them...for the same reason I don't drink Drain-o. It's poison to my system. It will destroy me.

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