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#61089 - 02/01/06 10:21 PM Re: can't find peace
yepthatsme2 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/08/05
Posts: 816
Loc: Fredericksburg, Va.
In June of this year my daughter will be moving to Texas with my only grandson. Haven't allowed myself to think about it too much because it brings so much heart pain, and tears stream from my eyes. I dread the day they load into the car and pull off...

She feels for her son to be able to support himself and his to be family, that she needs to be in a area that he/she alike can afford.
It's true, I can't argue with that.
The thought of the separation...is what I don't want or like.

Four other adult children remain and live at home, so, the idea of packing up and moving is not an option right now. But, one we will certainly look at...if everyone moves with us.

Visiting is another option...but, not everyone in the family can afford to travel or have the time available from work to go.

It's such a torn feeling...
My family is all gone except for one aunt I continue to talk with. Hubby's adoptive mom and dad are gone, so the only family we really have is "us".... I would keep us all together if I could.

Guess, I now know how my mom felt when I married a man in the military...we were never in one place longer than 2 years, and never really close enough to travel home.

I'm so sorry for the separation you are feeling...nothing tugs on the heart more than children or grandchildren. Like you...just thinking of that separation, tears are running.

Know I'll be on a plane every chance I get...hopefully they will do the same. Pictures will be flying on the internet, never thought of webcam...so that is a thought now.

How about spending your vacation time with your son and family? Is that possible? It wouldn't be a permanent solution...but, would give you some allotted precious time, to look forward to.

Quote
You said, "The time away, is too long and frequent as it is very hard to go back and forth and he no longer can travel back up here".
End Quote

Is the reason he can no longer travel back and forth because of funds? If, so maybe saving through out the year, and sending the funds so they can travel home. Not sure how our kids manage in today's world, especially with 3 children...it has to be hard.

I know I wasn't of much help...but, my ear will always be open to you...just like my heart.
I'll pray you receive the answer.

[ February 01, 2006, 02:22 PM: Message edited by: yepthatsme2 ]

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#61090 - 02/01/06 11:50 PM Re: can't find peace
Scorpio115 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/05
Posts: 44
Loc: New York
It is difficult for my son and his family to travel. Sure the funds are an issue but we would (and have in the past) sent them funds to come visit. My DIL isn't too keen on coming up as all her family is down there, parents, brother, sister and even some other relatives. In their defense, there is also the problem of scheduling. One grandchild is in first grade and the other in pre-kindergarten. There is also the baby. It is very hard for them to fly or drive back and I don't want to encourage either for fear of anything happening. We can't always be their houseguests either because we disrupt their schedules. Time is limited that he can be away from his job. And prior to our retiring, that was also the case with us.
So, you see, even with visits, there is also the good-byes that hang over every precious moment spent with them. And we all can't be there at the same time. At least when they were able to come up, we had lots of family and friends over to share in the joy of their company. As the years go on, and they do so quickly, we drift more apart. My other son and his brother barely speak. And my son suffers from not knowing his nieces and nephew. He'd make a great uncle for sure. Thank you for your prayers.

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#61091 - 02/02/06 12:43 AM Re: can't find peace
yepthatsme2 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/08/05
Posts: 816
Loc: Fredericksburg, Va.
Just wondering if maybe they are in an area that has time share. Then, you wouldn't be houseguests. Might even think of renting a motor home to drive down in, or rent when you get there.
Park in the drive way, plug into the 220...leave a little something for the electric bill.
Great way to get some alone time with the grand babies.

You sound like me, with the good-byes, I'm not much for them myself. Last time my brother came to visit, he was up and out at 4 in the morning, no good-bye. He dislikes the goodbyes, just as much. Either that or he just didn't want to face my crying. Come to think of it...time for another visit. Years pass to quickly.

Not sure if this is the case or not, but, it
sounds like your DIL isn't to keen on traveling outside her comfort zone. If, that is so...it makes things more difficult. But, not impossible.
Is she open to new ideas?
Like maybe...each of you traveling half way and staying for a week in new territory? That way no schedules, to meet. Just thoughts to ponder.

You have a mother's heart...you think of everyone else when you process thoughts and feelings...much love there.

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#61092 - 02/02/06 12:47 AM Re: can't find peace
yepthatsme2 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/08/05
Posts: 816
Loc: Fredericksburg, Va.
Heck...I might even be half way for the both of you...you can both plug into my 220 free of charge. The pleasure would be all mine.

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#61093 - 02/02/06 02:29 AM Re: can't find peace
Scorpio115 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/05
Posts: 44
Loc: New York
Not much for adventure. Need some type of permanence, though life isn't permanent we all know. Over the years we've tried everything that was feasible for the times. Everyone has come up with any number of ideas and they sound good but in reality they're only quick fixes. It's been difficult trying to explain my situation because people say I'm very negative and I'm sure I sound that way. But all of these suggestions are only for short periods. There is no constancy or continuity. You turn around and then the trip or visit is over, whether it's a week or a month or two. Neither of us can be gone from our homes for too long for practical reasons either.
You see, what I'm trying to say is I want the life that allows me to see the grandchildren for their birthdays, for Christmas, at their dance recitals and mini graduations. I want to play dolls with them and read good books out loud. I want to babysit and have them over for dinner or to bake cookies. My husband would like to work on projects with our son on the house. We'd like to see our two sons together. We want to build a dollhouse or take our grandson to the park. Normal things. After years of raising our sons and working, we thought this would be the time we'd reap some rewards. Family life can't be spent in planned trips or heavyhearted goodbyes. As the kids grow and their lives become busier, there will be less time to spend with them. We were once a very closeknit family. Now we're all disconnected and feel like strangers. You're all so kind. I guess I will have to accept what fate has given me. There is no answer that will not result in more heartache. It has been good venting. It clears my head up a bit. Thanks for listening.

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#61094 - 02/03/06 02:17 AM Re: can't find peace
starting over Offline
Member

Registered: 06/30/05
Posts: 383
Loc: Illinois
Scorpio, you want to share LIFE with them. The everyday, the mundane and the special. There's nothing wrong with that.

The bible says:

Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the Lord
and he will give you the desires of
your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him and he will do this;
He will make your righteousness shine
like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the
noonday sun.
Ps. 37:3-6

This is a promise verse you can hold onto! God knows your desires and He will be faithful to bring it to pass as you are faithful to Him. It may not be tomorrow or next week, but it WILL happen and your rejoicing as a family will be very, very sweet. I believe it, trust the Lord, have faith and wait patiently and pray.

I hope this encourages you today. Keep venting your pain and we will commit to continuing to pray for you.

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#61095 - 02/03/06 02:47 AM Re: can't find peace
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Scorpio, your topic is huge among baby boomers. Our children/grandchildren are scattered all over the country/world.

This is tough for us because many of us were raised in the same town with our grandparents.

I know this isn't an answer, but PLEASE know you are not alone.

This is something the media hasn't done enough with. I mentioned to a writer for USA Today just this week. I'm hoping she chooses to cover it later in the year.

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#61096 - 02/03/06 02:56 AM Re: can't find peace
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Scorpio I came from a family where no one ever left the family. Oh they all married but managed to stay within shouting distance of one another raising their kids (us) and living their lives. I moved away first and then my two sisters left town and we are all spread out not having seen one another for too many years now. My own sons which I put my whole life into practically and who depended on me for everything, married and although in the same town I rarely see them. They both work, wives work, 2 grandkids are grown & married and one is in school. My life as yours has slowed down nicely but their lives are so busy and so full. I know they love me but yet I am not part of their lives the way I want to be. It happens to us all, thing change. I fortify myself knowing they are healthy and happy and take the good when it is offered with what I precive as the bad, not seeing them all the time. Thats life....bummer!

[ February 02, 2006, 06:58 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

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#61097 - 02/03/06 06:20 AM Re: can't find peace
Scorpio115 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/05
Posts: 44
Loc: New York
I'm not trying to drag this out, but was feeling very blue tonight and decided to open up this forum. Was very encouraged by your posts. Not that there was a solution there, just that you all were. Thank you.

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#61098 - 02/03/06 06:33 AM Re: can't find peace
yepthatsme2 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/08/05
Posts: 816
Loc: Fredericksburg, Va.
{{{{HUGS}}}}

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