Thanks Dotsie! Important issue. I have a lot of friends who are stepmothers and not one of them hasn't suffered from severe marriage problems and it isn't just because of the stepchildren but the father refusing to intervene on the wife's behalf.
I always swore I would never marry or date a man with children. But when I met my husband and saw that his sons were grown, I figured no problem, they're adults. At least physically.
I didn't break up his former marriage. Didn't meet him until 11 years after his divorce. Was always nice to his sons but it has been pure hell. Rudeness, insults, tattling to daddy about something I did or didn't do, just stupid things. I would handle it myself, well actually, I have confronted them but to no avail because my husband doesn't back me. I have a very crowded marriage. There's four of us!
I have a friend who has been married 25 years and her stepson still causes problems. Will call the house and not speak to her other than to ask her to put his dad on the line. Her husband refuses to address this problem too and so do many of my friend's husbands. It's like they think the grown kids will be hurt if they know that dad loves someone besides them.
My children are grown and have never been rude or unkind to my husband because they know I wouldn't allow it. This whole thing is so confusing!