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#70824 - 08/01/04 02:00 PM raising his children
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
I've heard that this is a touchy subject. Do you discipline your spouses children from another marriage. Do they discipline your children?

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#70825 - 08/02/04 03:39 AM Re: raising his children
Lynn Offline
Member

Registered: 06/26/03
Posts: 621
Loc: pennsylvania
New topic!!!

I am loaded with opinions on this subject. I have a step-daughter and will contribute when I have more than a few minutes.

I did discipline her when it came to being in my home. She split her living between us and her mom. On the big stuff all four parents discussed the subject, sometimes through the biological parents since we lived thousands of miles apart at times.

Lynn

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#70826 - 08/01/04 09:48 PM Re: raising his children
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Maybe this is not something I should comment on but I will take a shot at the common sense approach of parenting, no matter whos child it is. If you are a step parent, you are still a parent ans should have all the bounaries of a parent and all the responsibilities. Especially if the child is in your home for any period of time. To me a step child should be given all the same things descipline, etc of a natural child because I would think you'd want them to feel the same, not different or special. I as a parent never believed in any form of corporal punishment, hitting, none at all but I was strict and expected my rules to be paid attention to. I think treating any child the way you would hope to be treated works, for children and adults....Hope this helps.

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#70827 - 08/02/04 11:21 AM Re: raising his children
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
My first mistake was assuming that adult stepchildren wouldn't be a problem. Wrong. The youngest lives in the same town as us but since my husband is working a consulting job in another state, I don't have the problem of not seeing or seeing him. He told some very hurtful lies that caused severe problems and has never apologized or even admitted to doing it! Says I'm lying by stating, "I didn't do that" to his dad. I asked my husband if he wanted or needed proof because I have it and he said he didn't, that he believed me. It's all so stupid and childish.

He borrowed my car one day and I went to drive it the next day and the rear end of the car was thumping and acting weird. I had to take it to the dealer and $900 later, he claims he has no clue what happened. Nobody else drove it but he's innocent. Things like this.

I'm taking the "wait and see" attitude but in the meantime, I refuse to be around him. He's like a snake...will bite you in a moments notice with no warning and what's really sad is I've treated him very well. Live and learn I guess.

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#70828 - 08/03/04 03:52 AM Re: raising his children
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Oh Diane, do you really want to hear a step-parenting nightmare?!!

My ex's children visited us from Georgia one summer. My husband at the time gave the young girls, 10 and 12 waaaay too much freedom. I discussed it with him to no avail. These girls were sexually active! You know how I found this out?!! One day a friend came over. She noticed so activity in my garage and went to check it out before she came in. There she found the 12yr old laying on a mattress with a boy!

I told my husband and he didn't do a thing. I told him that he should at least consider some contraceptives for the girl. Well, he believed that was 'condoning' sex. I believed that it would prevent a child from having a child. We argued about this and his nonchalance. I guess he just didn't want to believe it.

Well, reality SLAPPED HIM IN HIS FACE AND MINE TOO! I finally convinced him to let me take her to Planned Parenthood. On the way there, the 10yr old confessed that she'd 'done it' too. I mouth was just wide open with shock! When we made it to the office, I asked that both be seen and given something.

I sat in the lobby filling out the insurance papers while they were in back being seen. Before I could finish, one of the health care providers came to me to ask which was the 10yr old. I pointed her out since they were back in the waiting area with me by then. The nurse whispered in my ear, "She's pregnant." PURE SHOCK ripped through me.

I took her home, but on the way she asked me not to tell her father since he probably wouldnt let her go to the movies. Ha! Ya think?! Well, we made it home. I told him. I think he went into shock too. About 2hrs later, she still wanted to go to the movies. He let her. OMG!

Two months later this child turned 11. She miscarried the baby. But, she actually did not want to have an abortion and of course her natural parents couldnt make her. The boy was 13.

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#70829 - 08/02/04 06:01 PM Re: raising his children
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Sugaree, how is the little girl today? Just curious...

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#70830 - 08/02/04 06:48 PM Re: raising his children
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
That's just sad. [Frown] They were both babies. You must be glad to be out of that mess.

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#70831 - 08/03/04 02:35 AM Re: raising his children
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
This girl's mother picked her up early that summer. When school started for the fall, she had another boy, maybe several, and was pregnant again. Abortion. She got pregnant again at 14 and had that one. She came back to live with us. I placed her in a school where young parents attend. They picked both mother and child up in front of the house daily. Most of the time she didn't want to go. I was forceful which made me the mean one. Despite all of her behavior, her mother tried to put it in my husband's head that I was not treating their daughter right/fair. But, in my household, no child with or w/o child, stays home not getting an education and that was the bottom line. Plus, my own young children were there. I was NOT going to let them or no other impress upon their young minds that they had a choice OVER parental decisions made there. As much as I tried to work with her, she had to go.

I'm not in contact with my ex since my children were from my first. But, last I heard, that young lady had FIVE children and NO husband. Well, actually she did move back here when she had her third child. She called me to apologize for her past behavior. I took her shopping for her children, kinda spent the day with her...but, that was it. THe other one has two children. I wonder what was happening in their household to even make them think of sex so young.

It sure was a valuable lesson in raising my own daughter. She saw the beginning and the end result. She is on the straight and narrow. Would it be cruel of me to say that old cliche', "Things happen for a reason."

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#70832 - 08/03/04 05:46 AM Re: raising his children
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
What a tragic waste of young lives. And yes I agree with your thoughts "what would make children that young even think of sex." The odds are that either they were abused, or they were so neglected they were desperate for any attention. Either way the cycle of abuse continues, because it's unconscionable to bring 5 children into this world when the mother obviously can't even take care of herself. This is so sad.

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