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#70868 - 08/26/04 06:48 PM young children/older children
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Is it easier to become a step parent to a young or older child?

Observation has taught me that the younger the child, the better the relationship. Do you agree or disagree?

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#70869 - 08/26/04 09:00 PM Re: young children/older children
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I totally agree, the younger children are moldable while the older children are already set in their ways, less trusting and usually more stubborn. Its more work in my opinion, mentally with an older child.

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#70870 - 08/26/04 09:28 PM Re: young children/older children
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Well, since I've been bamboozled into this situation and am living it now, I can honestly say it's easier with the younger child.

The children of my son's former girlfriend, which has two children, ages 5 and 1, and is pregnant with his child (maybe), if I had to deal with either, I'd choose the 1 year old. I know that the one year old has pamper changing, bottling, pottie training, the works but it would be easier than dealing with a child that has already been molded into an unruly person due to lack of parenting and worse.

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#70871 - 08/26/04 11:01 PM Re: young children/older children
Lynn Offline
Member

Registered: 06/26/03
Posts: 621
Loc: pennsylvania
The younger the better. My step daughter was 7. And already a little person who had to conform to her Mom's house and our house. Complicated from the start.

Lynn

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#70872 - 08/26/04 11:33 PM Re: young children/older children
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
My answer: Don't marry a man with any children. Young or old!

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#70873 - 08/28/04 03:19 AM Re: young children/older children
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Dianne,
Having been married a few times to different types, I would say that it's a trade off. A man's children can always be a pain, but I think a man who never has children is less mature and more self centered.
Just my experience.
smile

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#70874 - 08/28/04 11:25 AM Re: young children/older children
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Just don't marry... [Big Grin]

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#70875 - 08/28/04 01:21 PM Re: young children/older children
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
Smile, I agree on that point but from my experience, my husband has been trying to make up to his sons, what his ex wife (their mother) did to break up the family. She had an affair with my husband's best friend. They married but both cheat on each other now. The creep even made a pass at me (subtle) at my husband's son's wedding! Gross. I think my husband decided his son's had been hurt so much that he would never allow them to go through anymore pain. So...I'm the one who has seemingly been paying for his ex wife's sins! I can be unhappy so they won't. Hasn't been working for me very well.

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#70876 - 08/28/04 01:49 PM Re: young children/older children
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Over compensation from a single parent, or one who has remarried is a very common problem. Unfortunately, sometimes it can lead to the child (especially one growing into the situation) expecting life/parent/step-parent to bend to their every whine...In their effort to do good, the enabling parent becomes just that, an enabler. Limits to their "making up for a bad parent" helpfullness are never set and another unfortunate thing is that the helping hand of the parent(s) seems to be driven by guilt. Guilt over not being able to hold the family together, not being able to be both a mother/father, or be there every single waking hour of their children's lives, or just guilt because they feel like they have failed everyone, including the spouse that left. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

Maybe...and I'm guessing here Dianne, so bear with me, but maybe your hubby is overcompensating because his job has so much pressure that he feels guilty for not being able to be there all the time and because she left??? Just a stab in the dark.

JJ

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#70877 - 08/28/04 04:35 PM Re: young children/older children
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
It could be that, JJ. He did put in a lot of hours and that's why he was always so successful. He's a very generous man with material things but rather closed emotionally. However, I should add that both his sons moved in with him because they were so disgusted with their mom's actions. To this day, I don't think they respect her much but then, they don't respect me either. I cannot begin to tell you how rudely I've been treated in MY home but that's my husband's fault because he never put a stop to it and even treated me rudely too so they wouldn't feel left out or think that maybe dad loved me more than he loved them. So, the end and result of all of this is...they are no longer allowed in my home. If my husband wants to visit or see them, he can go to their home or they can visit him in MN but my home is no longer going to be a consideration for a battle ground. I can't tell you how many nightmares I've had over this. Someone is destroying my home or landscaping, etc. Not hard to figure out. Plus, the youngest son told a terrible, terrible lie that hurt me deeply and then he lied to cover the lie and this has never been addressed by my husband and not sure it will. It can get pretty ugly and it's all so needless. I find myself getting angry all over again while writing this. [Mad]

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