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#70887 - 10/02/04 07:49 AM
Re: hmmm, should we keep this topic?
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Member
Registered: 09/26/04
Posts: 3910
Loc: Alabama
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I vote for leaving it in Dotsie. I am the parent of another's child. I decided against the word Step years ago. I didn't want to isolate him, as he was only 5.
He is now 27 years old and lives close to his real Mom,in Napanee Canada, he needs that. I love him like my own flesh and blood. He is my only son.The only chance I had to have one.
My mother told me these words when I was first raising him...Some day, my dear he has to grow up and look back...How do you want him to remember you?
If she hadn't intervened when she did, I would have probably been the " Step-mother from Hell"
My Dear Mom...she just knew how things were supposed to be... And how to fix it with few words. Such a wise woman...She treated him just like all her grandchildren...and he Loved her for it.
On the other side of the coin though...the Real Parent of the child is where the issues sometimes lay...Then theres the step-grandparents/real grandparents,siblings etc...I could go on and on.
MOH has two older sons and although we don't see them often as they live in another State, we get along marvellous. Why, because...
I haven't seen my son in a couple of years,but I am flying to Newfoundland on the 13th so we can spend some time together along with my 2 daughters.
Now...especially now, Mom's words make more sense than ever.
Yes, leave it in one more month please.
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#70889 - 10/03/04 04:49 PM
Re: hmmm, should we keep this topic?
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Member
Registered: 06/26/03
Posts: 621
Loc: pennsylvania
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I havre not been on the forums lately because of moving but this subject is close to my heart since I am the step mom to an adult daughter.
So many issues....her relationship with me, her relationship with her Dad, How does he feel about it all, her relationship with our son. how does she feel about his adoption. How does he feel about her. the list goes on and on.
I have read many posts here but the topic was one that I had to giove lots of backgound or not relevant.
I could use lots of advice here. Daughter is not and has not been great since begining. Lots of disappointments all around.
If you can, leave it.
Lynn
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#70890 - 10/03/04 05:31 PM
Re: hmmm, should we keep this topic?
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Member
Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 164
Loc: Minnesota
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I also have not commented because the topic is somewhat painful and complicated. I have a 15 year old stepdaughter and 18 year old stepson who is away at college. My marriage almost broke up because of my poor relationship with these two kids and my husband's dislike of my son.
Since I'm not talkative and outgoing and neither are my stepchildren, we rarely spoke to each other. It didn't seem important to me since they were teenagers, not living with us, and had a mom and dad who were very involved in their lives and doing a good job of co-parenting.
I reserved my energy and time for my own son, who's father never contacts him, and who has had a great deal of trouble with depression, including a weeks stay in the hospital because of the fear he was going to kill himself.
Anyway, I'm now working on being more involved in my stepchildren's lives. I don't expect we'll ever be close, but we should at least be able to carry on a conversation with each other.
As for my husband's relationship with my child, they both dislike and avoid each other. I wish my husband would try harder to go outside his own jock, conservative, experience and understanding of what a teenage boy should be like. My son tries to be less artistically extreme at home, where, unfortunately, he doesn't feel very welcome. If my husband went to my son's high school, he'd see that my son is typical of an art student.
A healing of their relationship and of my son's bitterness and antagonism towards God and society in general is something I pray daily on.
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#70891 - 10/04/04 02:31 PM
Re: hmmm, should we keep this topic?
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Member
Registered: 06/26/03
Posts: 621
Loc: pennsylvania
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There seems to be many who have issues or need discussion in this area. Maybe a facilitator would kick things off?
Any pros out there who would like to facilitate a bunch of women who want there lives to be healthy with his and her kids?
Just a thought.
Lynn
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#70893 - 10/05/04 05:19 PM
Re: hmmm, should we keep this topic?
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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I haven't posted because it's too painful or makes me frustrated and angry. I'm in the process of working through it right now. Mine gets complicated. My stepson is living with a girl who is my son's girlriend's best friend! Confused yet? This basically keeps me tied in some way to the stepson because the stepson and his girlfriend ask my son and his girlfriend questions, which is none of their business. Now, my son is getting married next September and I was always wondering how I would handle the wedding because I absolutely refuse to have anything to do with the stepson after he betrayed me (again). So, this being a small world, I was returning from my flight to NM on Sunday and who is on the same flight but my stepson's girlfriend! She came up behind me in the baggage claim and grabbed my arm and I just said, "Oh...hi." and looked away. So, she continues to walk beside me and asks me how I'm doing. "Fine." I pulled my cell phone from my purse and called my girlfriend and stayed on the phone until the luggage came out. I know I sound like a b**** but you have to understand how good I was to my stepson and his girlfriend. I did everything for them and treated them like they were my own children and my reward for that was a knife in the back complete with hurtful lies. I don't want people like them in my life because they bring destruction and pain. How can you ever trust a person (s) after they do this to you and for no good reason? The two of them killed the goose that laid the golden egg. And, it's my husband's fault all of this went on. He hasn't gotten it yet, you can be a father and husband at the same time. Oh, don't get me started!
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