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#70905 - 10/31/04 01:49 PM Holidays?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
All the Thanksgiving and Christmas decorations will be appearing now that Halloween will be over. I'm starting to think about the holidays. If you have step children, do you have plans worked out for the holidays? How do yu keep things fair for both sides ?

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#70906 - 11/01/04 03:19 AM Re: Holidays?
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Halloween hasn't slowed down the Christmas merchants one bit around here. Christmas angels were right alongside Halloween gouls.

As to step children and Christmas, fairness is hopeless. There is no way to average it out. We just do the best we can and pray for peace. So far so good.
smile

[ October 31, 2004, 12:20 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

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#70907 - 11/01/04 02:25 PM Re: Holidays?
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
I think I've made it clear that I no longer try to be fair except to myself and my sanity.

This year, going to AZ to spend time with my kids and grandkids, after years of neglected them on the holidays. It's their turn.

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#70908 - 11/03/04 08:43 PM Re: Holidays?
Lynn Offline
Member

Registered: 06/26/03
Posts: 621
Loc: pennsylvania
It is never fair and I am politely ignored each year.

Problem comes in with my 5 year old who can't understand why his sister does not spend time with us on the holidays or call him on his birthday. He is closer with his cousins than her.

Frankly, the farther away she is the better the holiday. Except for poor Nathan.

Her only appearances have been to "show up" on our last two winter vacations in the sunny tropics. Nice huh?

Lynn

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#70909 - 11/03/04 11:05 PM Re: Holidays?
Sadie Offline
Member

Registered: 10/08/04
Posts: 1274
Loc: MD
Lynn,
I can relate to some of what you are saying. My husband has one daughter by his first marriage and whom is married and lives in LA . When the grandchildren were up to DE to see there grandparents on her husband side . His daughter had called and said that she would let him know when the grand kids would be in Delaware and would make arrangments to go over there to see them , now this from Maryland is only about hour and half drive.

When my husband called his daughter in Sept he asked her if the kids had come to DE to see there grandparents and she told him yes and her mother had gone to see them . I was so made . Now here they are in LA and he does not get to talk to them at all when he calls for the holidays and not even a thank you for the money he sends them for there birthday or Christmas and his daughter does that to her father.

I told my husband to call her back and ask her why she did not let him know , but she called her mother. Well, he called his daughter back and she did not have and answer for him only saying maybe we will see you this summer when we come to Ala to see his sister. We are not sure if we are going yet.

Well, glad I got that out. Now , I hope I had not said too much and won't delete this . It is out and I am glad. I e-mailed my husbands sisters and told them what happen and they werr mad. My daughther her was upset with her step sister for doing that.

Any comments?

Nancy

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#70910 - 11/04/04 10:38 AM Re: Holidays?
Lynn Offline
Member

Registered: 06/26/03
Posts: 621
Loc: pennsylvania
I don't know Nancy maybe the kids are angry and taking it out on their fathers.

Does it seem that the kids are worse with their fathers or their mothers? Or does the gender of the child make a difference?

Intersting to contemplate isn't it?

As far as advice goes, I am probably the last one who should be giving advice about stepkids. I don't like mine and haven't for what seems like forever. I guess it is good that I am now able to relax and admit it. I tried for years to make a family out of scraps and now realize she never wanted me inher life at all.

many tell me she is jealous of me. Maybe but my opinion is either work through it or get over it. She has chosen to ignore it.

Again, the sadness occurrs with Nathan. He includes her in all of his school projects about family but he could not pick her out of a crowd if it were to save his life. He just wants a sister to love him. I could kick her ___ it makes me so mad what she does to him and is too selfish to even see it.

Lynn [Mad]

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#70911 - 11/04/04 06:02 PM Re: Holidays?
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
I know how much it hurts you to see your son be hurt or ignored by this girl. I have found that if you give a person enough rope, they will eventually hang themselves. Can you step back and let what is going to happen, happen? Actually, it's going to happen that way regardless. I learned this lesson the hard way.

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#70912 - 11/05/04 10:12 PM Re: Holidays?
Lynn Offline
Member

Registered: 06/26/03
Posts: 621
Loc: pennsylvania
For me, sure I can step back and let it go. But for Nathan who desperately wants a sibling it is quite difficult to answer the questions and see the hurt.

I just don't know what the right thing to do i sometimes when it comes to Nathan and the cold hard truth.

For me, I'm pretty easy now that I have given it my best shot. It is her loss. Especially the loss of her father. But I can't control that.
Lynn

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#70913 - 11/06/04 01:29 PM Re: Holidays?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Lynn, maybe you need to speak of her less around Nathan. The more he hears about her, the more he attaches? Just a thought and I don't even know if it's good advice... [Frown]

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#70914 - 11/06/04 10:14 PM Re: Holidays?
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Some High schools here has a program of teens acting as big sisters or brothers to younger children. Maybe theres something like that in your area and if not possibly you can find a nice girl who is alone for the most part and would like to treat Nathan as s little brother. It could help alot and ex out the dip shit of a sister who treats him so badly. Even if you paid her a little something kind of like babysitting, but so Nathan doesn't know. I bet he would love that and it could end the problems. [Wink]

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