you said it, chatty lady...

Both stepchildren are with us because their mother left them. I met Gary6 months after his marriage ended, so it was nothing on his part. She had an affair and he made her choose, him and the kids or this new fella. She left. Remarried had another kid, divorced yet again and is now living the life of riley in a lovley house in a lovey area with a man that has his own business etc etc And we are struggling. I wont go to much into it though cos I could rant on and on for EVER.lol and ya dont want that.
That was 9 years ago. And here we are. Struggling with a lazy 16 yr old boy whos been out of school 3 months and not bothered to find a job. And a nasty vindictive brat. I know at the end of the day your going to say well of course she is like she is cos her mother left her and had her every other week. But I cant come to grips as to why she is nasty to her dad and myself. If it wasnt for him she wouldnt have a home. She knows full well its her mothers fault that the marriage ended. And has told me she doesnt blame me as its "ALL HER FAULT" Up until a few months back I was willing to have her here full time, because thats what she wanted. But then she turns on me for no apparent reason.

I think she has misdirected anger. Like, you can't hate your mom so who is the first available woman to direct that hatred toward. You happen to be standing there.

Did something happen that you don't know about but suspect? Something that could've brought all this anger out but she isn't willing to talk about? Just a thought.

Not that I can think of. Up until her calling me what she did we were having a great time. We went to a concert together, I took her clothes shopping, generally having a good girly time talking about boys n stuff. Then bang. All gone in an instant. I will not(and I dont think anyone would)tolorate being called what she called me. I didnt get any sorry from her, and from then onwards shes been nasty. What more can I do??

I think it's the rare step-family that makes it...everyone has to be willing to make it work. Kids these days (no offence to those of you who have great kids), but my husband calls the kids today the "me generation". It's all about them and what they want and to heck with anyone else. I feel sorry for all of you but there's a reason the divorce rate is so high among step-families...it seldom works. At least if they're grown and out of the house you can refrain from having them over at your house if they're trouble...that's my case...unless they respect me they don't come over...they choose not to so they stay away...it doesn't bother me a bit. At least where they are concerned my life has peace and quiet to it. How much longer before they all move out on their own? Will your marriage last that long? Any counseling?

Oh god no idea.lol. If I knew that I would rush it forward beleive me.lol. Shes only 13, stepsons 16, and as lazy as hell. Am hoping that he'll be gone sooner rather than later.
No councelling unfortunatly. He wont go. Doesnt think theres anything wrong with the way his daughter treats me. So I am leaving him to deal with her. Things are going to plan.

He doesn't think there is anything wrong with the name she called you? You've got to be kidding. He should have been all over her. What was your reaction when she did this? I don't know, Deb. If he disrespects you so much and won't go to counseling, I'm not sure there is a lot of hope there. Sorry to say that but it's true. He can't expect you to live like that.

Personally I would at this stage in the game tell him, them or me? Seew how happy the ex would be with her kids dropped on her doorstep. Does he have legal custody or is he just stupid?
You either need him to understand that this treatment of you is not okay. DAH!!! If he doesn't care then why waste your time, all you are now is a sitter for those unappreciative brats....is that okay with you?

My reaction to her when she calls me these names or is rude and disrespectful is to lash out unfortunatly. I dont like doing it. But my thinking at THAT time is.... She treating me like an adult would, so do what an adult would. LAST time she was nasty was when I asked her to sit at the table and eat her dinner. She got mouthy saying why should she dinners cooked in the kitchen and if SHE wants to eat it out there standing up, then She will. I slapped her round the face. I have no idea why she is doing it to me. I dont want to have a slanging match with her every damn day of the year, she'd love that. And all this is done in front of my 2 small children of 8 and 5. I hate her for making me do what I am doing. As for custody, him and his ex didnt go to the courts to have them decide. They did it between them. And the only reason she hasnt got them full time and us just weekends is he cant afford it. Over here the fathers have to pay for their childrens keep with their mother. As in most other countries I presume as well. And even if we could afford it she wouldnt have them to be honest. They have always got in the way of her plans. Except the other child she had in the 2nd marriage.

It sounds like things have gotten out of control. I just can't believe your husband allows this and doesn't step up to the plate. I think what I'm hearing you say is you don't like the person you've become around her. I can't blame you. Constant stress can turn us into strangers.

I think you need to sit your husband down and tell him he either starts being a dad and husband or you're out of there. Right now, he's acting like an outsider who doesn't care about anyone but himself.