Ya know. I think half the time he feels like an outsider where she is concerned. And sometimes I dont blame him. Not taking his side here cos what hes doing is wrong as a parent. But she is so so much hard work. That hes probably got to the point where hes thinking why bother, I cant control her so let her get on with it. But it is wrong. Cos she is just getting on with it. And has totally taken over our lifes, our home and the way we feel.
Shes due back here tomorrow from her mothers, for 4 days. Now Gary wants to take the 2 younger ones out, but is worried about her. At 13 we shouldnt have to drag her everywhere with us anyways. So I suggest we do what we got to do and then collect her afterwards, so she doesnt ruin mine and my kids day out. I'll put that too him later.
What makes me annoyed, and this is her mother AGAIN. Is that when they are due back here from their mothers. She brings them back really quite early. But when they are due back there, they get taken up late afternoon or early evening. So it our turn to swap it around for a bit I feel. I need more time with my kids.

Maybe you can do that more often...take your kids and get out of the house and away from the drama.

Can you blame her mother? I'd be bringing her back early too! Maybe she feels this emotion of not being wanted and is acting out because of it, trying to chase people away before they get a chance to chase her away?

Could be right there Dianne. But youd think she would feel differently wouldnt you. I can see that the kid is hurting what with her mother not wanting her. But as I say 9 years down the line of trying to help her be with her and love her only to have it thrown back my face each and everytime. There is only so much anyone can take. I know being an adult I should be able to take it on the chin. But with the verbal abuse I am getting from her as well as the mental. I just cannot do it anymore. I have got to stay sane for my children. I just feel shes got herself in this mess. she can out of it. I HAVE TREID.

Isn't it cool to see how boomer women across the world have so much in common?

It certainly is yes.

Too bad it has to be the bad stuff however. Deb I know this is hard to do but in your mind make her invisible, do not see her, do not hear her and plan whatever you want with your children without her. Please take heed these words: She is acting out only for the 'reaction' she get from you...STOP! Once you perfect this invisible routine you won't believe the stress it relieves. It will take an effort not to lash out at first, but don't. If she wants to eat standing on her head, so be it. Don't set a place for her, she's invisible remember. This takes some real thought on your part but you won't believe how great it works....at least try this, you've tried everything else....

[ August 20, 2005, 07:50 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

She was due home today. I got on the defensive befor she'd even got home and he went nuts. I didnt say anything to him after that about her. UNTIL we got home from taking the younger two to the movies. She hadnt done the dishes. In fact left a massive pile. I said to hubby. "AND I'M SPOSED TO IGNORE THAT?" He went to do it, and I said NO GARY you cooked it and then took us out while your lazyass kids sat here doing nothing you leave it to them. I know you think I am going on at you again, but this is prooving my point. Neither of them care enough to even make things around here work. They dont want to make an effort.
Shes been told to do her own laundry and really wasnt pleased about it. But cant want her clothes that much cos we were out for 3 hours and it still aint done. OH DEAR.

Maybe if your husband does the kids chores enough, he'll get tired and say something or do something to change it.

I learned to not bring up David's sons name. I don't talk about him, don't bring him up in conversation and just say, oh really? when he brings up what he's doing. I also learned to say something once about the things his son was doing that were wrong and never mention it again. I thought if I said it often enough, he'd get it but all it did was put him on the defensive. Everything is much more peaceful now in our marriage.

I really have got to try to cut myself off completly from her. But just the thought of her puts my back up.
When we were young, if we wanted a freind round we would ask if it was ok first. She hasnt. She has her freind in right now, And to top it all wound my son up by taking the playstation from the front room, then promptly goes to his room and takes his games from his room so her and a freind can play them. AND NOTHING was said. I am soooo fed up. Have got to cut myself off completely

Its now nearly 9pm and her freind is still here Gary has asked her to leave and Amy wont let her. She now wants her to sleep. NO WAY. I have to get up for work. Hes letting her rule the roost, and I AM GETTING SO BLOODY MAD. He's threatening to leave.