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#71319 - 03/13/06 01:11 AM Re: New and afraid?
Bubbles Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 16
Loc: WA
Hi...been thinking about writing over the last week but I don't know where the time has gone.

Nothing "bad" has happened per se; however, Shawn was suspended from school for 45 days and guess who has been with him constantly since then? He brought a knife to school, one that he obviously stole, and was flashing it around. He had the threat assessment done and it is not good. He is being recommended by that doctor and by the family therapist to be removed from the home. We went to CWS to go through the process of a CHINS petition for an out-of-home placement. They decided that as he is so "special", they won't do the CHINS; they are going to place him in a facility in foster care until he's 18. That's 3.5 years. I don't think that he gets that yet ~ but he will.

Today, I'm rather short-tempered with him. I just am tired of his sour disposition, he doesn't speak and when he does it's like snake venom. Oddly, since we left CWS, he has been voluntarily helpful and much more polite. Doesn't mean that I'm particularly fond of his company, however. It's just been too long doing this that I have no tolerance for him much. It sounds like I go off on him all the time ~ quite the opposite. The no tolerance comes in powerful ignoring skills that didn't exist before.

Also, we're doing an involuntary placement on him and we're not having success in getting a bed. This will happen this week, I'm sure. It is my goal to have him held there until he goes into the facility that they choose ~ it's a long process to wait but oh well...

Off to do a supervised visit... at least I'm getting out for a bit by myself.

I'll check back in later.

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#71320 - 03/13/06 07:20 PM Re: New and afraid?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
quote:
Originally posted by Bubbles:

It sounds like I go off on him all the time ~ quite the opposite. The no tolerance comes in powerful ignoring skills that didn't exist before.

Bubbles, I don't know how you're doing it. Your "powerful ignoring skills" are what's best for the situation, but the wrose thing for you because you have to hold everything in. I hope you have someone to speak to.

I have to say that the knife was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm glad it happened as it did. He will end up in a safe place and no one got hurt.

How far away will he be? And how often can you visit? Does he have friends who care?

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#71321 - 03/13/06 07:27 PM Re: New and afraid?
Bubbles Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 16
Loc: WA
I don't know where he will be placed at this point. He could go anywhere in the state but as for visiting him? You know, this sounds really harsh but he has lived in one of these places for four months a couple of years ago and we were heading there two and three times per week. I don't think that we will do this at all, this time. I suppose we could visit all the time but we have no intention of doing so this time around. We have to draw the line somewhere. And of course, that is if he's relatively close to us. He could be placed in Spokane or somewhere and that's a five hour drive. Doubt we'll be doing that very often.

Friends who care? Not sure. He has a "girlfriend" and a friend who is a girl. He's got guys who are cronies of a sort. But all of these kids are in that group and they enable each other, drama, "emo" as they call it now, cutting and such, don't know if they're drinking or not, but Shawn has threatened to kill the one friend who is a girl and I thwarted the efforts of him to have sex with his "girlfriend". Right now, that is not an issue that he needs to be dealing with so I stopped that little number.

I'm turning 40 this year ~ I want to begin to have a bit of a better life. I think that I deserve it.

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#71322 - 03/14/06 03:13 AM Re: New and afraid?
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
No argument there Bubbles. You've been fighting a war of sorts and now that the battle is nearly over you deserve a furlough...I wouldn't visit him very often even if he were down the street. He made his bed and needs to lay in it ALONE to be able to realize its lonely out there when you are a nonconformist....take care!

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#71323 - 03/14/06 05:19 AM Re: New and afraid?
Bubbles Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 16
Loc: WA
We just left him at the hospital where he will be transported to the psych hospital for a 72-hour hold. There will be a hearing in Seattle on Thursday that I will need to appear at. This will make the hospital stay longer and hopefully until we can get him into a CLIP bed, as soon as possible. But Shawn can be held for up to 180 days at this hospital. :sigh:

We didn't even say good-bye, we just left. I have no intention of visiting him either and I know that his father has already said that, too.

Now we prepare for Thursday.

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#71324 - 03/14/06 07:20 PM Re: New and afraid?
Songbird Offline
Member

Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 2830
Loc: Massachusetts, USA
Dear Bubbles: First, I want to say "welcome to BWS". Sorry I'm late.

Second, I applaud you for taking care of this young men so far and for seeking help.

If he is so dangerous, it isn't worth risking the whole family or others in school, etc. Also, there is only so much stress that your body can handle. In the long run, your body is most likely to suffer the consequences of that stress overload.

Please take measures that will ensure safety for the whole family.

You are a brave and courageous woman! God bless you in your efforts to help him and the whole family as well. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

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#71325 - 03/14/06 07:54 PM Re: New and afraid?
Bubbles Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 16
Loc: WA
Thanks for your support ~ when I keep looking at some of the things that we believe that he's developing into (as in mental illness), it shows some indication that the parenting styles can cause a child to not feel validated, worthy, etc. His biomom, who lost any custodial rights three years ago, was not a parent, she was more of a buddy. I am a strict parent, his father isn't, and perhaps in some way, I have created something in him that might not have been there. But I do believe that he didn't start off right and most of his behaviours were there long before I met him.

I will never approve of the stealing, the lying, the violence, and it isn't my fault that he has a poor memory and I have to remind him of so many things, and if he feels inadequate because of his poor memory, that isn't my fault. He said yesterday in the ER that he wasn't going to change, he would never participate in therapy of any kind and EFF you, he didn't care what anyone said or thought. He is very, very angry.

I now have to prepare for the hearing on Thursday.

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#71326 - 03/14/06 07:57 PM Re: New and afraid?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Bubbles, you probably feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders.

Do you think he feels relief?

I think we should all pray that someone touches his heart while he is there and awakens him to a different way of life. Perhaps they can get his medication regulated so he can live a more stable life.

I'm glad he's in a safe place.

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#71327 - 03/14/06 07:57 PM Re: New and afraid?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Oh, pardon my ignorance, but what is a CLIP bed?

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#71328 - 03/15/06 08:03 AM Re: New and afraid?
Bubbles Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 16
Loc: WA
Children's Longterm Inpatient Placement...or something of the sort. He's been in one before for four months ~ this time, it will be much, much longer.

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