You feel responsible for keeping the family together because you are a woman, and that's what women are wired to do. We are nurturers, nest builders, we don't want to be responsible for ripping the nest apart. But if your husband is being unfaithful, he's already ripped it apart. It can be repaired, but that would be up to you to decide.
It is definitely safe to spill yur guts here (what an awful expression...gotta think of a better one!). We're excellent cleaner uppers.

BTW - I never welcomed you, Donkeys2. If I missed it, please explain that screen name. I'm so intrigued!
Welcome!

Donkey, no wonder you are in a quandry. You've been married for so many years. You feel you have so much invested.

You are on the path. Keep taking steps to honor yourself. Your children are grown and I bet they want you to take care of yourself too. Be brave. One day at a time. And, I totally agree with smile. Take time to sort this out with God. He loves you and has special plans for you. Ask Him what they are...then listen carefully!

Thanks to all of you who wrote, and all the new people that have written. I'm still hanging in there, still hoping that the marriage will work out. Only time will tell. The marriage counselor/psych basically doesn't offer too much advice, so I don't know what her exact role is. I would like a bit more feedback from her. We just talk about things there that we have talked about together many times before. Her only advice over and over again is to do more things together. Has anyone out there been to marriage counseling, and what was their experience like? Things seem to be better somewhat overall, but then my suspicions surface when I feel something is not right. It's a long, rough road here. Well, all of you, take care. Mer

The very best to you Mer. When the suspicions surface it is hard. The marriage counselor we have gone to is an older man who talks hunting with my husband prior to the session. I think that is unprofessional so our experience has not been helpful to date.
The name donkeys2 comes from my two minature donkeys I have on the farm.They are very sweet and kind.
If I don't have black and white evidence of the affair, will I be th eone pulling the nest apart?
Thanks everyone.

You know, when you're ready, you'll take the time to get concrete evidence. Just don't do it until you're sure you can deal with the worst case scenario. You might be pleasantly surprised too.

I had two miniature donkeys! Bernie and Belle. So funny.

Mer, I am goign to start a topic for marriage conuseling to see what others have to say.

Donkey, welcome aboard. What other kinds of animals do you have? there are tons of animal lovers in the Pets forum.

Dear donkeys2--my husband looked me in the face and denied and denied his affair. I got a private investigator, and in no time flat, uncovered the truth. It didn't take long. Was worth every penny! Mer

Thanks everyone! I asked him once why he did it and his reply was"I didn't know any better." Now he says he didn't say that. Another time he came home and was so distraught because as he stated it ,"I can't believe that all a women wants is your land". I think he has wanted this divorce but dosn't want to be the one to initiate it as he will look like the bad guy if he does. What people think of him has always been one of his priorities.
Due to the above and numerous other statements and behaviors I am going to skip the investigator and tape recorder.
I am going to contact my attorney today and have the papers delivered. I will have to go without the black and white evidence and live with that decision.
I have to move on.
I apologize for taking up individuals time on this negative situation.
My donkeys are named "Belle" and "Libby" ,short for Liberty Bell! They are mother and daughter. I also have a older quarter horse,3 cats, 2 dogs and 11 chickens.

Good luck. I believe you'll feel much better about yourself, having finally made a decision. And, don't apologize for seeking advice and help! Like myself, you're an animal lover for sure!