I agree with all of these ladies Ladybug...it will do you and your parents so much good...and guess what? When you return your husband and kids will treat you like the Queen you truly are...every once in a while we have to miss something before we can truly value it...your family will realize your true value while you are away being your parent's little girl...I wish I could go too...Have a wonderful visit!!!

Brother called this morning and it's possible it (the trip) isn't happening for now. My husband suggested simply flying down in January by myself. That sounds good too. I pictured cleaning up the dining room after Thanksgiving dinner, taking down those decorations to make way for the Christmas ones, getting ready for Vicky's birthday etc. etc. I actually cried one night and last night too thinking about how much everyone here DOES rely on me for everything, not to mention the looks I am getting from my old coot..LOL!! I started making lists for everything they'll have to do, my plants, my Benny, laundry and on and on ad nauseum!! My brother's call this morning started out with, "did you get your ticket yet?" My perverted mind said, "yes, he can't go right now, this lets me off the hook." Can you believe I actually prayed to God that there would be a glitch to prevent me from going right now? I can't jam Thanksgiving and departure day Nov 26th into my life that easily. Excuses, excuses I know.
Thanks for the uplift though!

ladybug, postponing the trip doesn't mean the same a cancellation. just get your ticket for january so you are committed, and use the time to plan and prepare your family for your absence. you will feel better about going and they will feel less put out.

i have postponed my trips home many times when it wasn't an emergency. sometimes, i'm just not ready when i think i will be. other times i just got a gut feeling that tomorrow would be a better day to go.

just please, for your own sake, don't cancel. use the momentum you have and build on it. it will be a very liberating experience for you and as nancy g. says, your family will learn a new appreciation for you while you are gone.

Oh, and I so DO want them to realize how much I do for them.

One thing you said really struck a chord with me about not really being ready to go. I truly think I'm not.

For one thing, there really is just too much to do in this household to get ready for Christmas. My husband and I had a VERY loud discussion on our morning walk. It seems if I'm not here to help put up the tree then they don't want one! We put it up right after Thanksgiving and our inside decorating takes three days and one extra for the tree itself.

I heard that since I'd be "gone for one fourth of December" (wow) I may as well "stay down there for the whole month." As if I'm going to leave my children for one of the most important holidays, sheesh!

Well, we shall see what happens. I admit it, I'm relieved. The other nice part is my brother may bring his grade school best friend over to my house for Thanksgiving (I suggested it). I haven't seen his friend in 33 years and the friend was nearly a household fixture while we were growing up.

Thanks for your wisdom!

[ November 16, 2005, 02:15 PM: Message edited by: ladybug ]

Sounds to me like they are all ganging up on you.... with guilt.

"We don't even care about a tree if you not here", "if your gone for a week...better make it the whole month"...

My family put me through the same thing when I spent two weeks in Mass., with relatives.
You know what? Every one here survived, for two weeks. Not one wasted away. Was it hard for me?
Yes..it was! Did I go anyway? Yes...I did.
Did I feel relaxed when I came home? Did they appreciate me a bit more? YEP!

They might not have had a home cooked meal every night or someone doing their laundry....but, they lived.

Your parents are getting on in age, it would be nice for you to visit.
I'm so sure they are looking forward to your coming.

Every once in awhile you need to get away.
Don't except the guilt. They are just wanting you all to themselves.

Break free and fly, you will feel so much better when you return.

Brenda, you're soooo right. Really, the two children are telling me to go it's the spouse laying on the guilt trip. The last time I went anywhere by myself was in 1982 for job training in Cincinnati. I didn't even have children then. Boy was that nice, going out to all those swanky restaurants where someone served me! I told my husband, "do you know in the 30 years we've been married you have not even poured me a cup of coffee?" It's true.

Sure they'd love for me to come there. Mom has been begging me to do it for years. With my spouse's recent stroke my life is a little more complicated though and that's part of the problem. Vicky's a senior in high school and works after classes, Rob is in his third year of college and also works after classes. The hubby sometimes forgets to take his meds and two of them are very vital to his continued well-being.

So, we'll see what develops later. Thank you so much!

Ladybug....that is so unbelievable, married 30 years and never poured you a cup of coffee.
Do you know, my hubby pours me a cup of coffee every morning, brings the cup upstairs and serves it to me in bed.
Every day come what may.

Do you have any of the guardian angels in your hometown? Agency that has people to come to your home and help with whatever needs to be done. Make sure the med's are taken, housework, etc. Bet you could have them check once or twice daily.
Get one of those weekly medicine dose containers to make sure the pills are taken on time.

Make sure you take time to take care of Ladybug...that way you are able to take care of others.

yepthatsme2, thanks for your wisdom and be assured I do take time for myself. I believe I can't take care of others unless I nurture myself as well.

My compliments to your husband dear lady, send him this way!

My husband is a decent man and provides for me materially in a more than adequate manner but he does lack in the thoughtfulness department. There isn't a thing he doesn't know how to fix or remodel but let's face it, I'd just like someone to wait on me once in awhile.

Well...there you go. My hubby doesn't know how to do a darn thing around the house. Nada...nothing!
Doesn't even like yard work...those pale white legs of his haven't seen sun in years.
When it comes to his job...he know his stuff!
Guess it's all a trade off.