Ladybug,

I have left my husband for a few days while visiting relatives several times, taking my daughter with me.

One time, I went when he had a terrible sinus infection and I felt guilty most of the time. I didn't enjoy myself much. I know about that kind of stress that Jackie is talking about.

Cheers,
Cathi

See, that's what I'm afraid of. On our walk this morning my husband told me he was glad I wasn't going even for the ten days I was thinking of.

I know it's the right decision for me at this time, so thank you for reaffirming that to me!

Just a thought--sounds like you and your daughter, who I think you said is a senior in high school, need some female bonding time AWAY from the men. Although you did mention health issues with your husband, it seems that he needs a dose of reality regarding male/female roles in today's 21st century society. Since you have a grown son, hopefully he knows how to take care of himself as all men should be able to do--what a great opportunity for your husband and son to figure out how to deal with life without women around to serve them. Yes we all love the men in our lives, but when it comes to male/female roles, men from the dark ages need to move into the next century! Your son is a young man in the world of liberated modern women, so he probably won't find many who serve him the way his mother always did. What a great opportunity to teach your daughter that her job is NOT to serve men, and to teach your son and husband that men need to be self-reliant and self-sufficient without needing a woman to serve their needs. Just an idea--bond with your daughter and give your son and husband an opportunity to learn how to care for themselves without you and your daughter serving them. I imagine they will have a lot of great father son bonding time if they were given the opportunity--even if they decide to eat at a restaurant together--Or they could cook their own meals. And of course they should be cleaning up after themselves and doing their own laundry. I hope your son is able to do these things, because few women today are going to do it for him. It's the 21st century, and women are not the same as they were in the mid 20th century--men living in the 21st century need to accept this and learn to take care of themselves. BTW--love and service are two different things. You will ALWAYS love them with all of your heart even if you expect them to take care of themselves.

Amen......KateRyan......my exact feelings. I was caught up in the mid 20th century stuff with my husband and daughters. Super Mom! No more....my girls are grown, out on their own, with their own families, and my husband will have to learn how to take care of himself. I'm well now.....and I'm out spreading my wings. So there!!!
Lynne

Thanks ladies! I wanted my daughter to go too but she has an after school job and some really tough honors classes that pile on the home work. We both agreed if she did take time off she'd be too stressed out trying to catch up with it.

My son is pretty good about taking care of his needs but I admit, mom is the only one here who does laundry. My fault.

The hubby has no problem with me going in January and both he and my son assure me I have nothing to worry about...they won't starve or die.

We'll see when January rolls around.

Kate, I like the way you think girl! I have always sorta been a smother mother because I was a SAHM (and loved it). However, my family knows how to survive without me. While they were little, they did everything with Mommy. My son is the chief cook in his apartment at school, and he loves it. I cook most of the meals around here unless we grill, then hubby does it, but I know he can and does cook if I need him too. My husband has set a great example of helping out around the house. I think that's why my kids will pitch in too MOST of the time they're asked.

Ladybug, I understand the thought of leaving your hubby behind due to his illness. It can be such a worry. My husband is an insulin dependent diabetic (4-5 shots a day) woke up at 50 this morning and I had to get him orange juice to get him going...but I still leave him for the night, and he loves to go away and take one of the kids with him on adventures. I just pray that God will bless him and keep him safe while we are apart. My children also know what to do if he has a low blood sugar reaction. The older I get, the more control I give up. Funny, I never was in control. Just thought I was.

Yes, you do worry when they have a medical condition. I always worry about another stroke happening but he takes coumadin and toprol as well as getting his blood INR checked every one to three weeks (as the doctor advises.)

Chuck takes coumadin, too. There is absolutely nothing I need to do for him anymore as far as his medical condition goes, and he's quite capable of taking care of himself.

I'm sure he would not object if I wanted to go somewhere overnight without him, but the occassion hasn't presented itself. I've just gotten to the point the last couple of months where I don't worry every minute that something bad might happen to him. I honestly don't know if I'll ever get over it. But I've learned not to let it control me, or it would drive me crazy!

My husband's stroke complicates things because he doesn't always remember to take his meds and I have to remind him to. Sometimes he'll forget them for a couple of hours and if I'm busy doing something I forget too. The toprol is essential so that atrial fibrillation doesn't occur again.

Having part of your brain "go out" has some serious consequences. It's not like having diabetes where you do remember to take your pills or insulin.

That's true. Any time a loved one suffers from a serious illness we are left with the fear of another event. Our minds have a way of keeping those scary memories in tact. At least mine does.