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#81447 - 04/15/06 02:05 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
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Tear up? I bawled like a baby. Was good though, I got it out before the actual ceremony so that I didn't embarrass my daughter! I have 2 girls, one already off in college the other to graduate this May also (then she's off to boot camp with Air Natl Guard) It is hard to see them move on with their own lives when they've been the center of ours for so long. I remember tearing up when I dropped them off for Kindergarten, now this...
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#81449 - 04/15/06 05:03 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/12/04
Posts: 1177
Loc: Decatur, Illinois
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I bawled and bawled and that's all I could think of for nearly five months. Especially when my youngest left home for the Navy, I wanted to just curl up and cry until there was nothing left. It's part of growing up and moving on, but it still hurts, they are our babies!
Sherri
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#81450 - 04/16/06 01:52 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
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I find it interesting that families did all live together under one roof (or on the same land) decades ago, than came the luxuries of the American Way, electricity, cars, air travel, now we can be more independent families/people and we don't need each other so much. I thing technology is great but it kind of makes you wonder what we gave up to get so far? Funny thing is I wouldn't be thinking this way when I was 20/30 something!
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#81452 - 04/21/06 12:07 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 02/21/05
Posts: 211
Loc: british columbia
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I WAS UPSET FOR A YEAR WITH TEETH AND GUM PROBLEMS WHEN MY SON LEFT FOR ALBERTA FOR A YEAR. It was great shock to me.I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! Thank GOD he came home and realized the paradise of the mountains we live in, even though we're somewhat isolated.HIS APRECIATION FOR FAMILY GREW, HE DIDN'T JUST SEE CHORES.
LOVE LEIGHA
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#81455 - 04/23/06 03:55 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 02/21/05
Posts: 211
Loc: british columbia
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HE'S 23 NOW. I JUST LOVE HIM SO MUCH! LOVE LEIGHA
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#81456 - 04/28/06 04:15 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
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Oh my gosh Dotsie...I was a basket case each time one of my 4 babies graduated from High School...afterall...it's the end of their childhoods so to speak...my youngest is now finishing up her junior year in college and I begin to cry just thinking about her college graduation which is a year away!!!...Just go with your emotions...don't repress them...my kids would have been crushed had I not been upset about them leaving...they love telling their friends about how much mascara I had on my face at their graduations... Also...don't you and Ross get too comfortable in your empty nest...most kids have to move home for awhile after graduation from college now...the world is so expensive these days...the kids still need our help getting started...I always offer them a rent free room and some good home cooked meals so they can save towards their own places... So as soon as you drop them off at their respective colleges...you and Ross Run don't walk home and begin enjoying your alone time...it's over before you can get used to it...everytime I turn around my college kids are home on some break or another...:)and then they graduate.. ..I promise you'll be okay... [ April 27, 2006, 09:16 PM: Message edited by: AvalonBlondi ]
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#81459 - 04/29/06 07:40 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
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Sorry that your son's team didn't make playoffs this year Dotsie...but it says so much about your relationship with him that he is choosing to come home to you during his short break rather than spending it fooling around with his buddies somewhere...I don't think you have too much to worry about, something tells me your kids will always choose to be close to you....
Also I agree with your atatement on instant messaging and cell phones...they have been a Godsend to me when my kids are away....my oldest daughter is living NW of Seattle and yet I rarely go a day without communicating directly with her in one form or another...I feel very lucky.
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#81461 - 04/30/06 02:26 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/10/06
Posts: 404
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Ladies, we are all so alike! Us boomers!! I cried on Kindergarten day, cried on the Brownie Investiture Girl Scout day, cried at the first dancing recital, communion, confirmation, graduations, wedding and now baby showers! One of the hardest was the DROPOFF AND SAY GOODBYE COLLEGE DAY! Wow, we took 2 cars to the dorm which was 3 hours away in order to have room for ALL HER STUFF! I hid in the ladies room before saying goodbye while trying to compose myself. I didn't want to leave on that hysterical note. Anyway, I was not the only mom (or dads too) that had red eyes and clutching those tissues. I drove home with our younger daughter sobbing. Don't know how I made it safely for such a long drive. After we arrived home, I couldn't find my husband in the house for a short time. Finally, I realized he was on our deck crying his eyes out!! That was 11 years ago and we still get teary-eyed when we think of it. It truly is the way life is supposed to go, but we still have such a heavy heart while we are getting there!
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#81462 - 05/01/06 02:06 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
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Dotsie, I,like you, adore my husband and do look forward to our time together. I was just thinking today how it seems he is the only one who is TOTALLY interested in me and what I do and think. I also was thinking about how much I want my girls to not worry about me (seems I have to worry about my parents a bit, mom has few interests other than me and my brother and dad's health is a little shaky at the moment) I certaintly know I can't plan it all but I want my girls to think "hey, mom's doing alright she's out running, training the dog, gardening...same with dad". Not all is predictable and I definitely want to be available for them but also show them how be produtive, happy, wise, fun adults. And I sure will welcome them any time then need to come home. This is their time AND OURS!
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#81464 - 05/05/06 02:24 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
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Dotsie, my kids are 18 and 21. (The labrador is almost 2!) I remember bawling all the way home on the first trip each of my daughters took to camp at around 8 years old - for 5 days. Now the youngest will be gone to boot camp for 7 weeks, tech school for 10 months and then off to college 4 hrs away. Not across the country, but not in the next room either. The hard thing is she is SO excited to do all this and I have to encourage her and be excited too. I have my break downs late at night and my poor husband has to listen to me. I know he is feeling it too, but I think he feels he has to be strong for me.
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#81468 - 05/07/06 04:39 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
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Well, I need to tell someone this, I've been walking around using the "happy face' for a couple or hours now and I sure don't feel that way. My youngest,as I've said before is graduating from high school in a few days, then is going to boot camp for the Air Natl Guard Reserves. I assumed she would come home for at LEAST a couple of weeks before Air Guard tech school, but just found out that she will fly straight from there to her training, and will be gone for 6 months. And she's so excited. I don't want to bring her down, but I wish she'd act a bit like she'd miss us. It all seems so sudden and real. I asked if we could visit, and she says-"sure but it's only 6 months mom'. My hubby says give her a chance she's too excited to realize that she'll miss us. I feel on the verge of another big crying fit and I hate it when I do that, I look like and feel like crap the next day!
You are right Dotsie, I feel like I've been forced into early retirement-where's my retirement package?! I want one filled with a bazillon hugs, a few IOU's for visits, a couple of I'll miss you's, 1- you were a great mom. Maybe I should give MY mom one of these, huh?!
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#81469 - 05/07/06 05:39 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
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downdog, If I was a betting woman, I would bet a hundred $ that your daughter will miss you terribly. She just hasn't ever experienced being away and doesn't understand - but she will - and you will get your "retirement package" shortly thereafter.
Hang in there, it's a process.........
Daisygirl
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#81470 - 05/07/06 06:57 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
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Thanks Daisygirl. You want them to grow up happy and independent. You teach them to grow up happy and independent. Then they do... and we're left with whats to do?...
It sounds so sad. I, luckily, have alot of other interests, but they are "interests" not investments like kids and family are. I need to find something worthy of "investing" in again.
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#81471 - 05/08/06 12:28 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
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I know exactly what you mean Downdog....my family has been my passion for 30 years....I'm looking...but can't seem to find another passion that makes me feel fulfilled and keeps me from missing being the "Mommy" I still long to be....I have warm wonderful children...and they constantly tell me they love me and value me...but they are now GROWNUPS...I want my babies back....and I am really having a tough time with this huge adjustment....
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#81473 - 05/08/06 08:44 PM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
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Not silly at all Chatty...I know how you feel though...my son calls me often but travels for his job and parties on the weekends and so I don't get to see him half as much as I'd like...I try very hard not to complain to him because I don't want him to think I'm one of "those Mom's"...however...my heart aches when I don't see him every week or so... But here is something upbeat in my life...my married daughter who lives on the West Coast is home with me this week and is staying right through Mother's Day....what a gift this week is!!
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#81475 - 05/10/06 06:54 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
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It's weird, it takes till you have kids to really start to respect your parents. Then when you're kids leave you began relate to your parents. For me, it's hard to see the generations changing...my kids becoming me, me becoming my parents, my parents becoming my grandparents. You know what I mean? How we viewed everyone when we were there age. (Passing the torch, I've heard it described).
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#81477 - 05/11/06 09:05 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
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Makes too much sense. Boy do I hear you. NO, I don't feel that old, but I know that's how THEY see me. At some point, I'm not sure when it is, but you become/feel like a PERSON, not an AGE. I think it's been harder to "act (& dress) my age now then ever. I don't know how old I am. Is it how old I feel, how old I look, how old I act...want to be...how old my kids are...how wise I am (ha, ha), you get the point.
Humbling, puzzling, sad, weird, unexplainable,thought provoking...
I often wonder why life has to go uphill, then in reverse, back downhill. (Not that this is downhill in a bad sense, but it IS cycling). I know it's the "life cycle", but does anyone else struggle with this concept. I'm not trying to question God, but I sure can be Curious George!?
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#81478 - 05/12/06 12:00 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
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I think we should be the age we feel. I have a friend who is 20 years older than me and old enough to be my mother. I have more fun and more in common with her than any other friend I can think of. She told me today that she feels my age......and if I didn't know better, I would think she was, too! She has a positive and upbeat attitude towards life, although it hasn't been an easy one - that keeps one young.
My 4 yr old grandson asked me if his dad was my dad too. LOL LOL I know he doesn't think I'm old!
Seriously, I don't feel obligated to dress, act or be any certain age, except what I feel inside. Now, I'm not going to dress like Paris Hilton or anything, but I do keep up with the current styles, politics, current events, etc. -as long as it's me.
Be who YOU think you are..........
Daisygirl
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#81480 - 05/12/06 03:47 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
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This is all so true...I truly don't feel my age (whatever that means) I simply feel like a grown up...and I can feel comfortable with a 25 year old or an 85 year old ...like you Dotsie...I no longer let other people intimidate me..and I am confident in my own wisdom...BUT...I really hate the aging body parts though...not for vanity reasons..but because they slow me down more often than I would like to admit...i remember my Grandmother saying to me."if I only had an oil can for my knees everything would be perfect"...well that's how I feel now...only I need the oil can for my back....still...life is good!
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#81481 - 05/12/06 08:09 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
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I also remember an "older" lady that I got to hang out with for awhile (same Daisygirl, about 20yrs older), she did cartwheels down this track we were walking on, so full of life and fun and sillyness, I remember thinking "I want to be just like her when I grow up!".
I think we stop feeling an age somewhere around 30ish, and them just become who we are, a personality, a person.
I do still struggle with being intimidated by others, I think it's a confidence issue. Most people would be surprised that I struggle with that, since I put up a really good front. I also think its weird to see the younger generation (25-30ish) and be referring to them as "kids".
I wish I could get to that place where I'm not always wondering what others are thinking of me. I, way too much, get my self confidence from what others think. It's a personality, but it's also vanity, "center of the universe syndrome". LIKE YUCK! Not a good thing.
I want to age with the grace my girls will respect and want to model.
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#81483 - 05/14/06 06:06 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
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My youngest daughter does the "who cares" thing really well, she's a real sweet, gentle kid, but has alot of self-confidence. I really envy that! It's kidda funny I've got one girl just like me and one who I'd like to be just like! Love them both the dearly, differences included. I think I admire their diferences more as they grow up, they become young adults with neat personalities.
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#81484 - 05/15/06 06:49 PM
Re: getting closer
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Founder
Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
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downdog, our three kids are all very different. I like how you pointed out that you appreciate their differences more as they grow older. I hadn't thought about that, but you're right, I do too. I wouldn't want them to all be the same. They have different friends from all groups. You know how they get categorized as preps, jocks, goths, speds, etc.(awful, but true). We've seen them all and every teen has something to offer this world.
I really like teenagers. I think Ross and I will probably become involved with our high school youth group in a couple years. FUnny, that's where we started years ago when we joined our church. Then when we had three kids so quickly, we had to drop out.
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#81485 - 05/16/06 09:36 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
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Exactly, every teen and every adult has something to offer this world. Now, how to encourage my girls to see everyone as a "possiblity" in the making. AND for ME to remember to see everyone this way. It's neat when I am in rare form and can see people through "God's eyes" and see all their traits, even the most outragous ones, as something God could use.
Is funny, going back to where you were in life before the kids...
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#81487 - 05/21/06 08:10 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
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I don't intentionally put myself into social situations, but because of all of the recent graduation parties I've had to. It was kind of fun. I've enjoyed visiting with people whom I haven't visited with for awhile. It kinda seems like we've all grown up. Maybe it's me, but everyone seems more accepting and more open, down to earth. We are all in the same boat now, with kids leaving and I think we all sympathize with and for each other and feel like we need each other again. Or I'm feeling like I need them.
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#81491 - 05/23/06 07:07 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 01/10/06
Posts: 992
Loc: Honolulu, Hawaii
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We never thought that we'd be saying the same things as our parents did, or think the same way as they thought lol!
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#81492 - 05/25/06 05:56 PM
Re: getting closer
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Founder
Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
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The older I get, the mroe respect I have for my elders. Wisdom certainly comes with age. The sad part is that the elderly are often ignored in our society. You mean we're going to be ignored one day? We need to do something about this. Leave it to the boomers to change everything.
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#81493 - 05/27/06 01:48 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
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Yeah, that's hard to stomach. I don't want to be ignored. Especially when we begin to realize that on the inside we don't feel our age. What are we going to do? I, for one, am going to start thinking and treating the elderly with more respect, not that I'm ever mean, but I do tend to look at them as old and not look at the person. I can only hope that what goes around comes around. But I'm up for any other suggestions!
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#81495 - 06/03/06 08:07 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
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Absolutely! We already have many interesting stories to tell. How many more will we have in 20 years, and who will listen. I do not have an inate desire to serve the elderly, and this has made me ponder - why? So I think maybe this is where I need to concentrate my services, I need to learn more about this aging process and who better to learn it from then the wise ones who are there. And again I want to say I hope that if I do this "what goes around comes around". (Selfish gains strike again!).
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#81497 - 06/06/06 01:01 PM
Re: getting closer
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Founder
Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
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Hello Ladies! This 'empty nest' has been a rude awakening for me. Suddenly, my house is totally empty of all the chitter chatter of my last one to fly out of the nest and all of the friends and phone calls associated with her. There can be days that I'm home alone and have even wondered that dreadful, 'what if something happens to me?'. That lead me to thinking about the elderly and how they must feel. They have so much to say is how I've justified my 'selfish gain' as Downdog puts it, LOL. I really wouldn't mind teaching a computer class or something or another at a senior living center. Could benefit both of us...Yeah? Learn how to quilt while listening to some great stories? I have a 97 year old aunt that is very sharp and such a pleasure to talk to. If/when we visit with her (La) she will cook a multi-course meal after picking fresh fruit/veggies from her garden. If we want fish, she puts her gear on and takes us fishing! WOW! All she wants to do is feed food to our bellies and thoughts. She can actually remember my first words and I'm 42!
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#81504 - 06/09/06 11:38 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 06/08/06
Posts: 111
Loc: Brisbane Australia
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Hello this is such a great site to have discovered, but I feel like I am eavesdropping. I work full time, have four teenagers and my Mum comes and does my washing and ironing for me everyday. She used to live with us but we bought her a unit. Mum says that being here for my kids and helping me gives her joy. And I believe her, not just because it suits me, but because I honestly would have no time to relax without her help. And the kids have someone at home in the afternoons. Mind you, she spoils them rotten and there are some downsides, hence her unit, but the upsides outweigh the downsides! I think 'using' our parents to help with the kids is a great way to keep the family unit together and to give our parents a sense of purpose and my mum uses the word usefulness. Mum divorced years ago and has been on her 'own' ever since. She feels secure and happy now. She tells me this is the happiest she has ever been. I often think that combining childcare centers and nursing homes would be a super idea, give the old a purpose and the young exposure to the elderly. And as Sugaree says the elderly have a lot of wisdom to pass down. My eldest is nearly 20 so the empty nest is also looming for me, but i am considering going back to Uni to do a degree in accounting, I reckon I still have a good 20 working years left in me!! Thankyou for the honour of being part of this chat.
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#81507 - 06/10/06 05:28 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
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I like the childcare/nursing home idea too!
Been unable to function most of the week as my youngest left for Air Natl Guard boot camp Wednesday and technically won't be home until April 2007. We will get to see her end of July for graduation and a couple weeks at Christmas (I hope). As I am learning there are no guarantees with the Military. I'm definetly soaking up all the advice on how to handle this. Praying is a big part, atttitude adjustment. My husband keeps reminding me that this is an exciting adventure for our daughter and I should view it that way. I'm not necessarily worried about her she can handle it and she knows what she's getting into. But we have a great relationship and bottom line is I really miss her. Need to start picking up the service projects and focus on people other than "poor me".
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#81508 - 06/10/06 12:04 PM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 06/08/06
Posts: 111
Loc: Brisbane Australia
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Yes, I think I might be onto a marketable idea with the Childcare/nursing home idea!! Might make a fortune yet!! My daughter is 15, nearly 16 and madly in love with a 16 year old, who seems OK. They have planned to move to England, they think that Australia is too hot, especially Brisbane. They want to open a Goth shop, so my daughter is going to do a Business Degree and she has 'bullied' her boyfriend into going back to finish High school so he can go on to Uni and get a computer degree. She also asked Me and her dad how much they would need to save up before they could leave home and move to England, we said about $30,000 so they are both knuckling down and studying and working partime to save up to leave. Oh well, 15 and 16 is still young so they may end up living in Brisbane and not leaving for England anyway. But I love our shopping expeditions and we share clothes, she does my eyemakeup for me when I go out as I cant see to do it as well as I used to, she is also into doing hair, so she straightens my hair as well - I will so miss her company. We have three boys, 14, 18 and 20 (nearly) and I will also miss them but shopping is not the same with the boys and they definately do not show any interest in eye makeup or hair styles!! Downdog, good luck for your darling daughter. They need to follow their dreams, and we need to learn exactly what you said, to focus on other projects and let our babies fly free. If I was not on the other side of the world, we could all get together and get that nursing home/childcare center off and running, I think with all our combined talents it would be one hell of a place!!
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#81511 - 06/12/06 10:37 PM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
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Downdog, you must be so proud of your daughter!! She sounds great...I know how you are feeling though...my oldest daughter is married to a Naval Officer and they are stationed in Washington state...thousands of miles from me...i miss being able to see her every day...is there a chance your daughter might get stationed somewhere near you after Bootcamp? Debshines..your daughter sounds very ambitious and is such a go getter...hopefuly she will change her mind about leaving Australia...but even if she does go to England...chances are she will find that "there's no place like home" and return to you... Dotsie, yes..my daughter brings her friends home for dinner at least once a week...unless I am down at the beach...then she brings them to the beach for the whole weekend!!! But it's been so much fun for me...this is her final year in college..and I want to savor every last minute of it...I can't believe how fast my kids grew up...now I wish I would have had a few more...
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#81512 - 06/18/06 05:47 AM
Re: getting closer
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Member
Registered: 06/08/06
Posts: 111
Loc: Brisbane Australia
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Hey Dotsie - you are right, my daughter's boyfriends parents think she is wonderful. And yes, if my unmotivated son had a girlfriend that actually bought out the good in him, I would think the world of her too. Thanks Dotsie. I'm with AvalonBlondi, if it had been purely my choice (which of course it isn't) I would have had kids until menopause!! But then, the car situation might have been an issue, and the whole economics of that would have been impossible, so my four will do me just fine, and I am waiting to help out with the Grandchildren, I think grandchildren must be the ultimate 'having your cake and eating it too' because you can enjoy them and then hand them back!!!!!
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