I think it's very brave of you to open up here about this. The more people who do that, the less of a mystery and fear regarding it.

I wanted to ask what you do when life throws the unexpected at you--the stressers? Have you found a way to help yourself during those times?

Add my hugs to the bunch, Old Knitter. I think you are being so unselfish by opening up and giving of yourself with this post. It's people like you that I admire the most!

JJ

Okay, ladies, I was online looking for a bi-polar forum and decided that I should come back here where I "know" some folks. Sometimes, though, it's scarier to reveal yourself to those you know than to strangers.

At any rate, I've been diagnosed as bi-polar. There I said it. Ew. I hate those words.

I didn't believe it at first. But after doing a lot of online research, I guess I have to admit that I do fit the profile. Facing the fact that this is what I'm dealing with will make things easier, I suppose; although right now it isn't very easy.

My doctor prescribed one drug which helped right away, but then it seemed to stop working, so he added a second which didn't help and now I'm taking three drugs. This is so discouraging. I fear that, at this rate, I will be on every drug known to man eventually.

My doctor claims that most bi-polar people take a minimum of six medications. Grrrrreat. I know now why so many bipolar folks are in denial. We don't want to accept the fact that we cannot control our own minds and that we will need more and more drugs just to hang on to reality. It's very scary business. I would appreciate talking to others who have been where I am.

I was doing wonderfully early this week; but when some small insignificant thing disappointed me, I went into a nose dive and got so depressed that I wasn't able to get out of bed for two days. I HATE being this way, but it's so hard to make myself do what I need to do, in spite of feeling bad. And I get upset with myself that such a small thing can cause me to despair.

The mind is so complex. I wish we knew more about illnesses of this sort. But I guess we can be grateful for how far medical science has come in the past decade or two. My husband's grandmother was bipolar and lived in an insitution most of her life. Every time I saw her, she was a sweet, gentle lady. I could not imagine her being anything else . . . It's so unfair that illnesses of this sort can turn people into the exact opposite of who they really are. But I guess NO illness is fair, is it now?

After reading about the propensity for bi-polars to overdose, I can't help but wonder if it's more by accident than intentionally? I have a friend who died that way -- beautiful, sweet lady. People insist that she did it on purpose, but I don't believe she did. I don't know whether she forgot she'd taken her medication and doubled up on it, or drank with it or maybe her doctor had overmedicated her.

I have another friend who is definitely overmedicated. She's like a zombie. No wonder it's such a frightening illness. You look around and see all the things you pray will not happen to you, but you have no way of knowing what the future holds.

I guess, just like so many things, all we can do is take one day at a time . . .

mmellow, there have been several women in here with the same diagnosis. I hope they see the post and jump in.

I think the most important thing for you right now is to keep a medicine/mood journal and keep reporting to your doctor. I have a friend who is bipolar and she take Lithium and that's it. But I recall it took some time before they figured that out. Please be patient and keep communicating with your doctor and loved one. Hopefully, before olng, you will get the medication right and be able to carry on without your disease being your constant center of attention. I'll pray it happens sooner rather than later for you.

My dearest friend Mellow...you've come to the right place. We love you and will be here to listen. Dotsie is right, there are many brave women on here such as yourself who will gladly share, I just know it. They are special people, just like you, and give unselfishly of themselves to make the handling of this disease somewhat more bearable. At least this is what they tell me. I've had some of them say that just knowing they are not alone, and that others will not judge them, but stick by them, is one of the biggest lifelines for them. It has saved them, time and again.

For anyone wanting to get to know Mellow, DO IT! I know her via cyberspace and telephone wires and I'm stating right now that I couldn't feel any closer to her if she lived next door and we shared grits recipes. She is a doll, just a doll...and smart as a whip too. No, she's not as cute as me, but darn near it. I have been blessed by her friendship, same as I have by all of yours.

This forum is built on love, compassion, and understanding. And as others have said more beautifully than I could ever do, it is a woman's haven for rest, comfort, and friendship.

Sharing of yourselves, like you've done here, is performing an act of kindness while some of you don't even realize it. You're reaching out to women who have some of the same things as you do but are lurking and afraid. You are essentially saying, ...It's okay, in here you are loved, comforted, and blessed. Come on in. Let's do this together ...

Hello Mellow. Yes. Do take the advice of JJ and all the wonderful people here. I'm still trying to deal with what, if anything, I could have done to make my beloved friend's life better knowing of his diagnosis. A larger part of me tells me that I couldn't have but did I really try like I am trying so hard now, post his death.

What I've done now is to attempt to help a cousin that has been diagnosed. I'd pushed her away because of all the drama that she brings not really recognizing that her behavior is due to her illness. It seems a though she's pull me in with her manipulative ways. I also handled my beloved friend with a long handled spoon selfishly trying to protect me not trying to understand him.

One thing that I noticed that's pretty universal with this diagnosis is that it is very hard for people with this disorder is to take advice. Can you help me with this? Can you tell me why? If that's not your case, can you tell me what's different in you? Maybe I can help my cousin before she does something that can end her life as well.

Peace be unto you

I always worry about doctors over medicating their patients. The patient is scared, helpless and seeking help. I blame a doctor for my uncle's suicide.

My heart goes out to those suffering from this. It really does. I hope you find support on this site.

Dianne, you're right. The patients are scared and almost helpless. I know from my own bouts with 'doctors' that this is possible. A few friends and family members speak of the days when I so desperately depended on doctors to help me through my mental turmoil. They all reported that I was 'zoombie like'.

One friend and a family member took the initiative to call the doctor on my behalf since I was so incoherent during the psycho-pharma treatment that I 'could not' speak for myself. It took a while to really come out of that cloud I'd allowed them to put me in while trusting that they were the experts.

I haven't taken anything since, even when I feel like I need to, due to that experience.

I really feel for the patients that don't have anyone to speak for them. I really feel for the ones that need it and don't take it either because it stabilizes them too much and they've grown accustomed to their behavior and feel it's 'too boring' to be stable.

How are you these days? What's working for you or not?

As a professional therapist who has treated hundreds of bipolar patients (in conjunction with the psychiatrists who prescribe their medications), I've seen all of the struggles, which all of you so poignantly described, with being bipolar and being the friend or relative of someone diagnosed with the disease. Many communities have bipolar support groups for patients and families. Most psychiatrists welcome family members, if the patient agrees, to sit in on medication evaluations. Therapists can be the target of the same mood swings, hostile attitudes, and noncompliance that family members experience. Sometimes providing treatment to the family member is the only means of helping. It is a baffling and powerful disorder. New, more effective, and safer medications are being developed all the time. The issue is still about how to engage the bipolar sufferer in ongoing treatment so that they can work through finding the most effective medication and staying on it. Forums such as this one and ones specifically for bipolar sufferers and family members can be very helpful. At least you know you are not alone. My best to all of you.