I may be the odd one out here but 'unless asked' I never bring up my children or grandchildren and most of my jewelry says something about my dogs or cats. I can talk for hours about fostering animals in need. My Aunt and Uncle were never able to have children and so we learned early to be aware of those around us before opening our mouths. Di, if I may ask this, is it not being able to actually conceive and carry a child that bothers you and the other women or is it not having a child to love and nurture? I ask this because being unable to conceive is something you cannot change but if its having no child to love and raise, then why not adopt? Then you would have a baby, a child to call your own and don't for one second think you can't love any tiny infant and make them your own. My Uncle and Aunt have raised four adopted children and they never introduce them as "these are our adopted children." They merely say "these are our kids." They are quite the family, full of love for one another and they look like any family to those who meet them. Just a thought!
Sorry, this is way off the subject but how far in advance do I have to order soap for Christmas?

Di, your mention of the use of our tongues is one of my favorite subjects.

I read a great book, 30 Days To Taming Your Tongue, by Deborah Smith Pegues. I highly recommend it to everyone. You'll be amazed at all the different ways we use our tongue (and I don't mean french kissing, etc.).

Here are a few examples from the book:

The manipulating, divisive, argumentative, slandering, gossiping, belittling, know-it-all, harsh, tactless tongue.

Get the picture?

What are we really saying when we speak?

A little off subject, but still has to do with talking to women who are childless.

Excellent questions,Chatty! thank you for asking them...now I will reply.

Yes, I've "missed" the conception, birth and delivery of my own flesh and blood. The "nurturing part" I have no problem with. I nurture all sorts of people...even when some don't want it!! LOL!!

My own "flesh and blood" that can carry my traits, character flaws , etc. It hit me one day when I received a lovely report that one of my nieces had to do on her family history. The last page contained our family tree...and mind ended. THAT was a hit of reality that caused the tears to flow as I was driving home one day.

My siblings all have children so I know it's hard for them to truly understand that I feel like the outcast. Yes,I am very close to all three of them. And Dad as well. (Mom died 31 years ago) Thankfully, Dad never expressed any sadness that he does not have grandchildren from me. He loves me anyway!!

By the way, that is a whole 'nother issue where parents have tried to make many CNBC'ers guilty for "not giving them grandchildren". However, I do understand the loss they feel,but when it is out of our hands,nothing we can do!

Re: Adoption: It is something I personally feel that must be a "call from God" for both the husband and wife. It is not in my case, so adoption is not an option.I was never called to be an adoptive parent.

Again, thanks so much for your questions.Do keep them coming.

P.S. PM me regarding soap orders!

Di, I have often read Bible verses about the tongue, but this book was very eye-opening. I loved it and will read it again soon. I need all the reminders I can get. Please let me know if you read it.

Here is one incident that most of you may not realize is so hurtful in the life of a CNBC'er, but this is my personal experience. Times like these are ones that really effect us, and probably unbeknownst to you all.

If you have done similar, please think about the person who is in front of you. Unless you know them personally, they just may be a CNBC'er who is grieving....:sigh:

Sigh

------------------------------------------------------------
A few weeks ago at the market, a lady stopped by and asked if I would do some rubber ducky soap baby shower favors for her daughter who is newly pg. Sure, I said. I loving doing them! (and to myself....I'm in business to make money!)

Yesterday she introduced me to her newly-pg daughter...stands there...rubs her daughter's tummy in front of me and says "And she's going to have FIVE showers"! It's obvious she is excited about a new grandbaby... and rightly so! But, why does it hurt so? Of course I put on my "glued" happy face to share in the excitement.

I just hope they do not ask me THE question. I must bear down, ignore the "pregnancy god" and get through this.

I know most of you are not reading this,but if you are...

another hard time we have is when we talk to a new mother. When they have been a friend for years and now conversations are limited. It's very difficult to talk without feeling like we are interrupting. It hurts many a CNBC'er.

If you have a baby in your arms and someone phones, would it be ok to for you to say "now is not a good time as i am feeding" etc. It's difficult at best to have a one-sided conversation when you know the other person is not listening.

IT's just time for us to meet new friends who either do not have children or they are grown and gone from the nest.

Di, do you have a local support group of women who are in the same shoes? I think that would be extremely helpful. I know you have your site, but wondered about this.

Thanks Dotsie...no, no local group. i did try to start one years ago, but it attracted those who are still ttc.

I do feel that someone needs to be available to local hospitals for these type situations.yes, i can do it but no time.

I've often wanted to call the local head nurse on the OB/GYN floors, but there is just no time in the day for all i have to do! Maybe someday the Lord will grant me time to do that.

Sadly, no one was available when I had my hyst....just nurses for the medical needs. it's the emotional needs that are lacking. i also realize that dr's want us to heal physically first, i'm sure. But afterwards is when we could use help.

After 12 1/2 yrs post hyst., i'm really doing ok. I just have concerns for the newbies who just find out they need a hyst and will need that support from the beginning. it's an ongoing process that never ends, sadly enough.

Di, like Chatty, I never sit around and talk about my children unless asked. I also don't ask people if they have children. I did have a 70-year old friend who used to tell people that she and her husband had never had children but were still trying. I thought it was cute.

We never know. I went out with a man on a first date and asked if he had any children from his first marriage (I knew he had been married before but that's all). He said, "I did have children. My wife and son were killed in the airliner crash outside of Detroit a few years ago." I choked on my tongue but he said it was okay. How was I to know? Most people don't know that what they are saying or asking can cause pain.