Good Afternoon Ladies,
Well, I took another step forward in this new life, and applied for a job with the local school system, working in a senior high school library. The librarian called me today to tell me I got it. It's only part-time, but it's a little money coming in, and will allow me to still do writing work and market myself. I want to write a book about this experience of being a widow and I think I'm just about strong enough to tackle it now. Any and all prayers will be appreciated for the new job and the book.
You've always been encouraging and supportive and I love ya'll for that. Thanks for listening.
Alanna

Congratulations copygal, being around young people tends to keep one young and in the know....
We need a book on the topic of surviving widowhood...
I tried sometime back but just couldn't make it happen. Your new life begins one step at a time and there you go.

Happy to hear of your new job and I wish you love and success on your writing. I am having a difficult day...Its my Sun of my weekend and the weather is cool which frightens me and heightens my grief, given the challenges of being alone this winter. This new (7/9) widow would welcome support and prayers........

Cynthy,
You shall have them. We are here, and we will pray for your comfort and peace!

WELCOME TO THE FORUMS, my friend. You'll find nothing but good hearts here.

JJ

I am here as suggested by Copygal and she was right. I am so lonesome and heartbroken...My dear Dave was my soul mate and partner for 15 years when diagnosed w lung cancer 3/26/06. He did 2 chemos, 25 radiations and his doc felt he had chance for some remission. June 10 pancreatitis, nothing by mouth, only IVs, he was in much pain not well managed at first. 3 weeks later, gall bladder out and they found his cancer had metastacized which likely accounted for much of pain. We married 6/23 in his hospital rm which gave us joy though we always felt married. With no nutrition, his IVS caused edema as cell walls couldn't hold up and lungs never cleared despite diuretics. We brought him home w hospice 7/5 and he died 7/9. It is still surreal and I miss him so very much. Must sell our dream house we bought in mtns 3 years ago as I cannot afford mortgage and we get snow and I am terrified of how I get by w/p his help w chains and wood. Sorry to be so long winded, much to share, much anxiety, much pain...

Oh honey, you have come to the right place. I will pray in earnest that God will surround you with His love and help guide you in the months to come. May you feel His presence. Right now your heart is torn into, and so heavy and I'm so sorry! Please take comfort in knowing that although we may not be able to give you the comfort you need in words, we are holding you close to our hearts and raising our collective voices to the heavens!

Your boomer sister, JJ

Cynthy, I'm so glad that you found us. PLEASE come here often and find in us a safe place to just be...we'll help you find your way through.

I'm so sorry about your husband. I'm companioning my brother through Hodgkin's Lymphoma right now, it's not an easy journey for either the cancer patient OR the people who have to watch their loved ones go through it.

I too will hold you close in my heartprayers, praying that you will feel the presence of a loving God who knows your pain and will make sure you have everything you need to get you through every step of this way...count us all in as one of those ways that He's making sure you have help and comfort.

You are not alone. And whenever you feel too alone, come here...if there's nobody here when you get here, don't go away, somebody will be along eventually to keep you company.

Copygal
Congratulations on the new job. I too, work in a school setting and find being around learners so invigorating.

Cynthy
You have gone through so much and our hearts and thoughts are with you through your grief and your change. Stay here and find your way through the healing process.

Bless you.

Cynthy,
I'm so glad you came! Was I right about these wonderful ladies or what? They've helped me many times to make it through the hard days and I'm so grateful for them. I know how hard it is, how lonely to lose your soul mate, but we're here for you and we're all praying for you. You've reached out for help and that's the first step to healing. We're all here for you.

Hi, Alanna: Well done on the new job. What an ideal environment for a writer to be in. Please keep us posted on the book.

Hi, Cynthy: I join the others in welcoming you to BWS. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is not the first time that I have come across a post in these forums and wished that I were only a hop, skip and a jump away so I can do much more in any way that I can. I am sure that I am not the only one. Please come often. There would always be one of us here. Always.

copygal, looks like you found a perfect work setting. How's it going? Have you met soem new people? I hope this opens more doors for you that will bring you much deserved joy.

Cynthy, welcome to the neighborhood. How do you and copy know one another?

My heart is with you. I witnessed Mom's death to cancer and I recall the pain that followed. I'm sure it was hard to have hope and then have it slashed with another diagnosis.

Please know we will do our best to raise you in prayer, give you comfort, and surround you in the healing process.

People would tell me that things got better with time. I have to say, it's true. One day at a time! What are you doing today?

Hi Dotsie,
I just had my second interview on Thursday and got the phone call that evening, asking if I would accept the job on a part-time basis, as another gal wanted the job too, but not full-time, so they decided to give us each part-time. For right now, it will solve a lot of problems and give me some writing time too. I should be starting next week. I've met the women I'll be working with and they all seem really nice. And you're right about it being a perfect work setting for me. It's a library-what could be better?
For now, it's a stepping stone, who knows where it all will lead?
Thanks everybody too, for always being so supportive and encouraging. I'll say it again-you gals are the best! If I can help anyone out there, just sing out!

Welcome Cynthy, many widows share this site and the lonileness and fear which sometimes accompanies loss of a loved one. Time is a healer and the friendship and advice and payers freely given here by all the wonderful women will eventually turn your sorrow around. There is life after the death....

Hello dear ones, I met Copygal when I found her widow blog thru an internet search for grief support which brought me to IVillage.com. Her blog posts really articulated my feelings and we began exchanging emails and she referred me here. I feel so much better now that I am here; I feel the love and support, so important now that I am on my own. I feel ever so needy and lonesome and I can't thank you all enough for your kindness and encouragement. Its a horrible thing to watch the love of your life slip away....Indeed it wll take much time to heal, perhaps never fully, but I intend to live and seek joy as Dave would have me do. He always encouraged others to "feel their feelings" and as I do so, I know he knows I am doing the best I can to learn to live without him. Bless you all! I work full time with caring, supportive co=workers. It helps keep me sane and busy. Good nite for now. Best wishes to all.

Morning All,
Just got some bad news about the job I mentioned before. After offering me part-time, which I accepted, they decided I didn't have enough experience to work for them after all. They contacted my last boss, the dentist I worked for, and he said it was company policy not to give references on past employees. He'd tell them I did indeed work for him and when, but nothing else. So, now I go back to looking for work again. I hate this. One step forward, two steps back. Will I ever figure out this crazy dance?

Oh my, sorry to hear this. I bet there is something even better in store for you. One step forward indeed......Thanks for sharing. You are in my thoughts as I know I am in yours. Its my "weekend" and I am going to try to motivate myself to work on tiny tasks with the ultimate goal to get the house saleable though I fear I am stuck here for the winter. This frightens me; the snow, the chains, no 4WD, at mercy of weather...ah, life......miss Dave ever so much, so hard to look around and see his things virtually everywhere, wherever I go.......more later. Love to you!

Hi Cynthy,
You are indeed in my thoughts and my prayers. Bad weather scares me too, though fortunately, here in Texas, not so much of it. Last winter, we had a bad ice storm and I was out in it, slipping and sliding, praying out loud, terrified I would get into an accident. Mel knew how to drive in that stuff, since he grew up in Minnesota, so I used to leave the driving to him when the streets were icy. Now, I'm on my own.

Those small tasks will help you get through it, things to think about and accomplish. Take your time going through Dave's things, don't be in a hurry. It's all part of the process and you'll know when you're ready to tackle it. One of the things I did that helped tremendously especially in the first year was keeping a journal, recording how I felt and how I was handling situations. I wrote a lot and cried a lot, but looking back through the journals, I can see just how much I've grown and changed. I think Mel would be proud of me and all I've accomplished. No matter what happens, you can count on all of us Boomer gals, we're here for you. You're going to be okay!
Alanna

cynthy, do you have any friends or siblings to help you sort through things? I know this isn't the dame, but when Mom died, my siblings and I all went to Dad's at the same time and went through Mom's belongings. The fact that we were all together helped.

I also recall helping write sympathy thank you notes with a friend whose son was killed in Iraq. She knew she couldn't do it alone, so she bought a bunch of lunch food and invited family and friends to sit around her dining room table to tackle the hundreds of cards, notes, flower and food cards that had been sent.

I guess my point is that everything is better when shared with a friend.

Please accept my hearty sympathy!

Copygal, congratulations on the new job! I love libraries (and book stores), the smell of books, the learning atmosphere, all of which I find very peaceful and comforting. I often attend the library for research, yet find myself looking for my favorite writers and browsing . . . rather than the task at hand!

Cynthy, my thoughts and prayers are with you dear.

Good morning Copygal,

Congratulations to you on your new job. 10 years when I was going through my divorce (death of my marriage) I had my "regular" job and volunteered in my son's school as the computer guru I taught the kids and the teacher after school - that was back when the teachers knew very little about computers. It was good to be in a supportive school setting and made some great new friendships with a number of the teachers.

Good morning Cynthy and welcome!

My heart and prayers go out to you. Your husband was lucky to have you by his side through those terrible last days. I know you are in California like me but it sounds like you live up in the mountains. There are many people praying for you and care. I agree with the others, you have chosen a great website to come to - it's a wonderful community and we all care.

Bless you both!
Donna

Bless you.

Well, the plot thickens folks-it's turning into a mini soap opera around here about the job. Turns out my old boss did give a reference. They asked him, did she work for you and would you hire her again. He answered yes to both questions. But they still passed me over for the job, saying I didn't have library experience. They could have mentioned that at my first interview or even the second interview. They had my resume for over a month and had me walk them through it at the second interview. Then they offered the job, then lied about my old boss not giving a reference, and finally took back the offer saying again that I didn't have the necessary experience. "We don't hire inexperienced people at this level." Good grief, it's not rocket science, or brain surgery, it's a high school library. I raised two kids of my own, plus most of the neighborhood kids as well and I spend a good deal of my time in one library or another, doing research and writing. Apparently, that doesn't count for much.
Thanks for letting me rant a bit, I'm just frustrated and scared about what's going to happen next.

Hello copygal. How about looking for a job in a book store? Actually I have no idea what I'm talking about; maybe that's harder to find than working in a library, but if not; it may give you the nec. experience you might need for a library.
Just a thought
Hannelore

Copygal,
Can you say lawsuit? An organization CANNOT offer you a job, tell you that it's yours, then recind based on what they've told you. However, I know suing them is not what you want. You simply wanted the job.

HOW DARE THEY! This kind of thing makes me furious. They better be glad it wasn't me! I wouldn't be as nice as you've been. If it were me, I wouldn't work for them NOW if they told me Elvis would be my co-worker.

I think Hannelore's suggestion of finding a job in a bookstore is an excellent one. Another suggestion would be a community ed or senior citizen center. Also, churches are always looking for people to help with Parent's Day Out, or other daycare services.

I have found that when the "expected" outcome of a situation doesn't match what I wanted to happen, God has something better in mind and so I TRUST.

Please keep us posted. And tell your friend (and our friend), Cynthy if you talk to her, that we would LOVE to hear from her!

copy, I'm with jawjaw. There must be something better in the wings. Please don't get discouraged. Believe God has a plan and move forward. I'm not so sure I'd want to work for them if that's the way they handle people. I bet their Human Resource department is busy!

Copygal, you might try the local newspapers as well. They don't always advertise yet have jobs availabe as classified ad takers, or file clerks or front desk people for payments etc. Plus aren't there more Librarys around there you can try? Also get on the phone with the phone book and call Realtors, you can freelance doing their mail outs, reception desk etc., in their offices. Don't give up because when a door closes, a window opens wide.

Filled w. sadness tonight. The weather is cooling, my fears of aloneness and incredible sadness seem to increase as the weather cools and winter inches closer. I'm not sure I can bear the leaves falling off the oak trees here...It seems it always saddens me to see summer fade but this year is like no other. I keep reading grief books and find much solace but the bottom line is: I am alone, I am feeling desolate and in much pain. Please pray for strength for me. I pray often and it helps as I speak to Dave to watch over and guide me thru this painful journey...thanks everyone.

I will be praying for you. I'm so terribly sorry for your pain and loss.

Cynthy, Yes we are here.
I can only imagine how hard it must be if you have lost a loved one, and then the winter season arrives; cold and grey.
May I share some encouraging words with you? I get these quotes daily, and save my favourites. Here is one.

Quote:

---

If we can look at our lives, during periods of challenge, and find something to be grateful for, then we can try to transform our realities. There are blessings to be found everywhere.
Every breath is a miracle and each smile becomes a gift. We begin to understand that difficulties are also invaluable lessons. The sun is always shining for us when we are grateful, even if it is hidden behind clouds on a rainy day. A simple sandwich becomes a feast, and a trinket is transformed into a treasure. Living in a state of gratitude allows us to spread our abundance because that is the energy that we emanate from our beings.

---

My warm condolences are with you.
Hannelore

Hannelore, how sweet of you to post this for Cynthy.

Cynthy, reading is great. I'm glad to hear you are finding solace in doing so. However, reading is done alone. Mind telling us what you are doing with others? I'm only trying to help. Sometimes when we are sad, we tend to hole up and cut ourselves off from the world. I'm not suggesting you are doing that, but would like to suggest that you try to do something often with others. It takes your mind off your pain.

In a very small way, I can relate to the painless, long nights. I am recovering form a very painful knee surgery which involved lots of bone work all around the knee. Also bone graphs and screws, YUK! I am in pain during the day, but am very good at distracting myself with work, visitors, therapy, phone calls, reading, posting, etc. However, in the middle of the dark night, there aren't many distractions and the mind focuses on the pain. Come on sunlight! While I am awake in the night, I will remember to offer up prayers for you!

Cynthy,
It's always hardest at night, I know. And like Dotsie said, there are no distractions, unfortunately. Try to remember the funny moments, the jokes, the good times, happy memories. I remember trying to get through the first few months, with so many images in my head I really did not want to think about. There were many nights, I just wanted to be unconscious and not think at all. Sleep can be elusive however. There are many nights of prayer and crying yourself to sleep, that goes with the territory, I'm afraid. But don't despair, and just know that we're all praying for you. We understand. Keep reading those books and maybe try journaling. That's what helped me a great deal, recording everything I was feeling and thinking. You're not going to get over this, but you can work your way through it and we'll help. I know you're feeling lonely, but we're here; consider yourself hugged.

copygal, I read your last entry on your blog. Prill Boyle wrote a great book about women who found their passions later in life. It is one of the books you get to choose from when you join the NABBW. The title is Defying Gravity. It is very inspirational. She shares the women's stories.

Its my "weekend" and while I am moving slowly, I do feel ok today emotionally though I am a bit antsy. I am in process of searching for an AWD or 4WD vehicle to get thru winter and beyond. I secured a Home Equity LIne of Credit to cover shortfall on mortgage and bills since I no longer have Dave's income. Thank you all for your kind words of support. I have a lovely journal that beckons but not sure when I will begin. At the beginning of my lonesome journey I suppose-or perhaps those precious days just before Dave passed. I find it difficult to focus on the good memories, they still seem too painful to conjure. Sometimes I can and I am blessed to have had a mere snipet of a dream in which I saw Dave looking fit and well. Perhaps he came to let me know he loves me and he's ok and I must keep on...

Congratualtions Alannna. I just know that this will be a great job for you.

Cynthy, welcome. I know that you will find lots of support here.