A couple of wonderful women on this web site encouraged me to post probably the most vulnerable and heartwrenching time of my life in hopes that it might reach out to someone else who is facing similar crises in their life. My sister, Debra, who is facing her own demons at the moment, has found hope in my true story and that alone has been worth it. I hope whoever reads it will find something to hang on to when life is at it's most desperate...
I won't say anymore about what happened to me; I will let you read the story for youself.
The link is: http://www.boomerwomenspeak.com/display_stories.php?item_id=1311

Bless all of you who read it

Hi, Dee: I have just read your article. As the situation you have written of progressed, I read it with a gasp and tug in the heart because from a great depth, love surfaced and triumphed. And for that wonderful moment, I pray in thanksgiving that you are here, Dee. God bless and may all continue to be well.

I was one of those who encouraged Dee to share her story. I have received over 600 stories since launching BWS and only two of them were about this topic. The writer of the other story chose not to publish at the last minute even though I told her she could remain anonymous. When Dee's story came through, she chose not to share too, which I respected. Then I heard for Dee again almost a year later. She realized the value of her story because her sister was so touched by it so she chose to publish it here aat BWS with the hope that others would be touched and alerted to the fact that they are not alone. Thanks Dee, for your courage.It's promising to know how much life can change when we choose life because of the love of and for others.

As I told Dee yesterday, I read the story and it wasn't till the end that I realized I was holding my breath. At first I thought it was fiction, then as I read on I could see that this was her life. I was so angry that the world had hurt her so and brought her to this place of dispair! But as Dotsie has said, love triumphed over all.

What a beautiful, courageous thing you have done, Dee. Sharing your worst, yet victorious moment! You can be assured that women out there will be reading this, possibly just lurking and never joining, but reading this and for the first time, experience feelings of hope BECAUSE OF YOU.

Although you'll never know how many lives your story will touch, or help, I know in my heart it will be many. Starting with me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for having the courage AND love to share it all. You are truly an instrument of hope.

JJ

Dear Lola, Dotsie and JJ,

You have touched my heart with your love of support and encouragement. You mean the world to me and I've found such a lovely group of women on this site. YOU and my sister gave me the courage to go forward with my story and with support like this who would not want others to know there is hope after so much pain. The feeling of being ashamed no longer comes to my mind about what I went through. Strengh and hope prevailed and God's blessing have been overflowing since that night in the Attic. I guess the message is never give up hope even in our darkest moments. I'm so glad I didn't...life is good. Life is very, very good.

Dee, I just read your story and I'm crying. Crying for the pain you've endured but also for the happiness you've found. I want to thank you so much for sharing your story because my cousin's husband just left her to return to his ex wife and she's having such a difficult time. I'm going to send her to read your story because it will give her hope. Bless you, dear lady.

Bless you for your kind words and I know your sister will be okay eventually. Give her my love and tell her not to give up hope. I'm here if she needs me to give her more encouragement. Bless you too, sweetheart.

All I can or will say Dee is "WOW" and thank you for such honesty.

Dee, I read your story earlier today but couldn't respond at that time. I'm REALLY glad you survived to share your story...trust me, it will help more people in more ways than you can ever imagine. Thank you for choosing life that day, and thank you for sharing your life with us.

Dee, thank you for this story. It will be an ispiration to many - to be at the bottom and end up on the top! Congratulations on your courage to share this story with so many.

Dee,

Thank you for sharing your painful and trimphant story. It is such a wonderful statement that letting go isn't the same thing as giving up.

We're so glad you didn't give up.

Jane,
Your words are so profound...and you're right...there IS a difference between letting go and giving up. What a wonderful person you must be.
Thank you.

To all of you who have responded...or read my story and remained in the shadows, I thank you. You all have joined the rest of the wonderfulness of my life to give lift to my already outspread wings. I am soaring high and loving life more than I thought possible. God Bless you all.

Dee, your story is truly touching. I am so glad that at the last moment you received and accepted God's whisper to NOT give up. As someone who also attempted suicide, I can only hope that by sharing stories others may hear the hope. You mentioned that you had once been ashamed. There is no shame in being in such despair that suicide seems the only way out of the pain. I'm glad to hear that you have let go of the shame, because others will read your story and realize that they do not have to be ashamed either. Those who have been sexually abused are very likely to attempt suicide. I am so sorry for the abuse you had to endure. But I am glad you have stepped forward to share your true story of hope and healing!

Dee, how vividly you expressed your desolation. How wonderful you shared with us your victory and hopefulness. Let me add myself to the list of friends that say thank God you are still among us.

Lynnie,

Thank you so much for your kindness. I am so touched by your supportive and understanding words. I am sorry you've gone through so much as well and I am going to go out and purchase your book so I may understand what you've been through and how your triumphed. Thank you again for reaching out to me with your comforting words. It means so much.

Dearest Dee
Thankyou for sharing your story. It was beautifully written. I am so glad that you survived and reached a happy and peaceful ending. That vision of yours about dying surrounded by loved ones may yet happen, because you found the strength to see a future for yourself, despite such despair. You are an inspiration and you should be proud of your inner strenth and this gift of hope that you have given us all. Thankyou.

Hi, Dee: Since it is already the 10th November in London, I would like to wish you a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! You have shown a remarkable fortitude against trials in life. May love continue to be as deep as the ocean and any trouble as light as foam. Quoting Dotsie: Onward! I wish you God's blessings in abundance.

Same here Dee and many many more to come. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Happy Birthday Dee. It's great having you in the neighborhood. I hope you're celebrating this day!

Hello everyone. Thank you for the birthday wishes and yes, it was a wonderful day. Ate waaaaaaay too much cake...or is that possible?

Debshines...thank you for you precious sweet words. I'm glad that my strength out of darkness came through. I also am hoping that by sharing my story that someone who may remain silent may have found some hope in their darkest hour. Never give up hope...ever. My life gets better and brighter every day and when I think it could not get better, God proves me wrong.
I love you guys.

Hey Dotsie,
I'm a little late getting back to your response but I had a really great birthday. My husband of 2 years (almost), bless him, blew it last year in the birthday department. Seems his family just doesn't celebrate anything much so I'm having to train my husband how to celebrate my birthday wishes. Easy...I just tell him what I'd like. 1. Card. 2. Gift (has to be something he comes up with). 3. Flowers (either given to me in person by himself or delivered). Sooooooooooooo, on my b-day morning he went even further (bless him). He brought me coffee in bed, brought me my card, gave me a beautiful watch which he'd wrapped himself in funny paper from the newspaper AND lo and behold about 2:30 in the afternoon the florist called to tell me he was lost and how did I get to my house? I acted surprised when he drove up and was really excited to see my favorite color flowers...THIS year my husband learned two things about his new wife. Listening pays off...and birthdays are important...(he's still smiling from my birthday...wink, wink, nudge, nudge).
It's a wonderful time to be alive...I'm glad I didn't miss it.

Oh yes, Dee, some husbands can be trained. Isn't it rewarding when they listen and actually do what you say? HAH!
You not only look like a happy birthday gal, you're a pretty one too.

Good for you Dee, it sounds like you've found one of the good guys....

WOW! Your story is an inspiration, Dee!
It's so nice that your husband took your advice and made your birthday a memorable time for both of you...

He's my hero...my soul-mate...yeah, I got one of the good ones. Hannelore, thanks for the compliment...you're sweet.

Dee, I am in total agreement that you have to tell some men what you wnat.

I have a friend whose husband would ask her what she wanted for her birthday. She'd tell him, "ah nothing." Then when she got next to nothing, she was disappointed. I say, tell them what you want. That's simply using good communication skills.

Glad it was a happy one.

It gets even better!!! Last Monday night my husband was in our bedroom, which is at the back of the house. I was in the kitchen making dinner. I heard our television come on in the living room (no one was in there) but it made me think what the heck...I slowly walked to the french doors and sitting on the sofa was a man...when I realized who it was I could not comprehend it...I looked a little to the left and saw another man sitting on the sofa. Again, I was in shock. My two sons had snuck in from out of town with the help of my husband. Ray flew from Wichita Kansas to Jacksonville FL to meet up with his brother, they inturn drove to Satsuma to see me, all in secret and in kahoots with my husband. I was so shocked and surprised and it's been the most fun time of all. These two boys of mind have been so much fun since they've arrived and we've had a huge thanksgiving dinner involving my husbands kids and mother. We also found out we're going to be grandparents for the 2nd time now. How awesome is this? It's been a wonderful time and I have my boys here until Saturday. Too soon their time will be over, but we're enjoying it while we can. Gosh, my life is the best. I'm sooooooooo blessed.

Wow, what a surprise! Was the turkey big enough? You know one of the best things about being blessed is knowing you are blessed and enjoying every minute of it.

Happy Thanksgiving Dee,

I just now read your story and the tears are flowing. I join the others in thanksgiving to God that you didn't take the step.

I was so awed by the power of Motherhood for you. When all seemed too much for you it was your calling as a Mother that saved you. You are strong and I am so glad your boys still have you there!

God bless you and your new husband and your sons!
Donna

This is the nicest thing to read, Dee. How wonderful for you. I want to marry you husband. He has got to be the nicest man around town. Bless him for looking deep within your heart and KNOWING what would bring you joy. What a man...does he have a twin?

By the way, you're picture is darling. Course I've already had the pleasure of meeting you, but just had to tell you how lovely your picture is. Girls, she looks just like that, too! Beautiful, inside and out!

God saved you on that day Dee. He wasn't finished with you yet, he had a plan and aren't you glad you have benefited by his plans for you. Besides your wonderful husband, maybe he wanted you to stay around for us too, all your new sisters...I am one of the many who are glad you're here.

Hannelore, I totally agree with your statement. So many people are bleesed but never take the time to count those blessings. What a shame.

Dee, you definitely got a winner this time around. What a great story.

Dee...What a wonderful surprise to have your sons there! And before I read Dotsie's post, I was going to ask the same thing...Does your hubby have a twin? Or - maybe we can clone him!

Seriously, your hubby is one of the "good guys", and I'm so glad you found him.

Enjoy the rest of your time with your sons...

We had ham...majority voted against turkey...so, turkey for Christmas dinner. Hannelore, you live in Germany...I have to tell you this story. While living there I dated a wonderful Germany man who spoke perfect British English (accent included)...he'd studied law in London for a year his English was impeccable. I asked him why he didn't have the usual Germany accent when he spoke English. He told me "if I learn a language I want to speak it the way it's supposed to sound." He spoke 5 languages perfectly. I invited his parents to come to my house for Thanksgiving dinner and of course his father was impressed to have a whole turkey served. Normally, whole turkeys are not available there (they weren't at the time I lived there and they don't celebrate Thanksgiving). When it came time to carve I asked if my boyfriend would like to do the honors...his father jumped up excited saying he'd love to carve the turkey. He said he'd done it before...well, of course, by the time he finished carving the turkey it was in pieces, but it was the sweetest gesture he could have made. I never let on that he had done it all wrong but instead praised him for his carving skills. He beamed and when they left I sent a lot of left overs with them. One of many beautiful memories of Germany that I hold dear. Later the next year my friend's parents went to China for a holiday and brought me back a beautiful enamel charm. I still have it to this day.
How are you enjoying your time there? Are you going to be there forever or will you eventually return to the states?

WAIT!!! For some reason I missed everyone's awesome comments. Please...let me make a proper comment to you all. I'm taken aback by all the lovely words you've spoken about my strength and my husband. How loving and sweet. I'll take all of you as my sister. How lovely you are to say such wonderuful things. My husband, too, was married (twice) to people who did not appreciate him nor love him. He went through hell. He has such a loving spirit and a kind hard that it's hard for me to imagine anyone being cruel to him. He says the same about me. He and I are always saying that God saved the best for last...and I think the trails Larry and I went through prepared us to appreciate each other when we did find one another. Unfortunately, there is only one Larry. I wish there were more men like him...I'd gladly clone him because he's such a good man and has the best heart in the world. When I say we don't fight, don't argue, don't criticize and don't cause pain to the other, I speak the truth. Our love is so peaceful and caring. After over 3 years we've had no major problems...and only a couple of minor bumps in the road. I'm so blessed and grateful for him. He told me just today he was talking to a conductor he was with on the his train that he married the best woman in the world and how happy he was...made me melt. To think that I'm 56, a bit on the fluffy side, wear granny panties, my hair is gray, wrinkles don't go away when I quit smiling and my boomer belly hides underneath my tops...yet I can make this man melt at the drop of a hat AND he loves me to bits...all I can say is God has his hands on our love. Larry was a long time coming and I try never to take him for granted. I truly belive we're soul mates. Thanks again, everyone, for your touching comments...God, you women know how to make me cry.

I think you just made me weepy. I'm so very happy for you, Dee.

Dee, you need to print that post and show it to him!

If this isn't encouraging for those still looking, I don't know what is.

Oh, and Granny Panties? I bet he'd love it if you checked out the local Victoria's Secret!

That's about all I could do...check it out...now fitting into any of that stuff is another question...

You'd be surprised. I can get my butt in them. I bet you can. We don't have to buy the thongs!

Dee, I just want to tell you how lovely and inspiring your marriage story is! And how deeply touched I was by the story in Our Voices.

Sometimes when we reach the bottom of the black hole we come out on the other side reborn.

Thank you meredithbead. My marriage is so wonderful and I truly am in such a happy place in my life. I'm glad my story touched you and whoever reads it will gain hope that it's never too late to change your life.

I appreciate your open sharing and I send my support.

Thank you Phillis.

What a turn around, huh? Praise God!

Dee thank you for sharing so much of yourself in this story.

Not only that, she is a good writer! Glad to see you back in here Dee...you are always missed!

Yeah, I've been away for a bit...but, I'm back. I miss all my boomer friends...and thanks, jj for the compliment. You always make me smile.

Dee,
I just read your story. I cried. I am so glad you didn't go through with it and that you are with us today. How terrible for you. Thank God you found happiness and release of your sorrow.
Laurel