Eagle, this is the perfect year for you to make changes becasue you have a sick brother and people will have to understand.

I recall Christmas for the first seven years we were married. All we did was run around like nuts. The year our daughter arrived from Korea on December 21st, our son got pneumonia. We HAD to stay home. My MIL brought us Christmas dinner on plates from my SIL's house. It was wonderful. We've never left home on Christmas day again. It was the perfect year for us to make the much needed change.

Perhaps this is your year Eagle.

This post reminds me of expectations. This is something we discuss quite often at prayer group. We often talk about lowering our expectations of others, but during the Christmas season, we need to lower our expectations of our selves.

This is something I like about being at midlife. We've learned from past mistakes and have the guts to look out for ourselves.

I try not to get overwhelmed because I pace myself, but come to think of it, I still am the one doing most of the work. Hmmm.

I appreciate this post because I have a couple family members who cringe at the thought of the holidays. This year I will see what I can do to make their holidays more meaningful.

I'm not looking forward to Christmas this year either but am going to put my best foot forward and give it my best shot.
I think this support group forum is a great idea. I haven't been visiting BWS much lately because I've been feeling down and didn't want to depress everyone. At least if I do feel down and I come here, I know I'm among people who feel the same way.
I wasn't going to decorate this year but then decided to do it and include special decorations for the people who we are missing this year and from year's past. An angel for my SIL, a standing buck for my Dad.
I hope we can all help each other through this season.

TVC15, This is EXACTLY what this thread is for, for those of us who are down and don't want to depress everyone else. Let's make this a safe place for anyone to be whoever, whatever we are - depressed, sad, stressed, lonely - together. Together I know we'll get each other through.

I've struggled with the decorating part of holidays ever since Mom died. It was Lynnie who helped me resolve that last year (though I do still dread having to do it, but I think I've learned that it's the overwhelming energy drain that I dread the most). Lynnie doesn't know it, but her "light and love" signature and life motto sparked something in me and has become my own self-propelling mantra. I incorporated that into my home decor - I've simplified and decluttered, and only a few choice knick-knacks/decorations stay out - every single thing that is displayed anywhere in our house represents either light or love (or both). The change has been very welcome. Our home feels warm and welcoming, and my "light and love" environment surrounds me with serenity and peace in the midst of all the other chaos going on.

I'm going to do that with my Christmas decorations too - put only a few favourite pieces out that speak "light and love" (actually, everything will pretty much focus around the nativity set.) That way, it not only keeps it from being burdensome and exhausting to decorate, but will hopefully bring joy and calm, because it will help me to keep my focus on what's important to me - the light and love of my God, family and friends.

Dotsie, I want to respond, but will have to wait until tonight. We're on the run (brother's doctor appointment - and he wants tacos for supper tonight - only the second time in six months he's had a hankering for something specific!)

EAgle, I love the love and light decorating idea! That is super. I will keep that in mind as I decorate too, for the holidays and after! Way to go Lynnie for giving Eagle the idea!
Eagle, don't be too disappointed if your brother decides that he isn't exactly in the mood for the tacos after he has them. Even a few bites would be great! The fact that he is craving something is wonderful in its own right.
Hugs,
and again I think this thread is a great idea! For some strange reason, it makes me feel better just knowing I can come here. I'm not the type who wants to be a whiner or a crier and like I said, I was staying away because of my foul mood lately. Thank you for coming up with the great idea!
And Dotsie I know what you're thinking, this is what the entire site is about, support, but sometimes when you're feeling down, you just don't want to bring everyone else down with you. Thank you for providing this wonderful place for us!

My sister-in-law died last night. She had lived with us the past year

This is going to be an exceptionally sad Christmas for my husband. He has lost his dad, mom, older brother and sister, son and now his baby sister.

And somehow I have to find the way to get him through the holidays -- when my own heart is so sad to be away from my grandbaby, son and DIL.

So (((( thank you Eagle ))) for starting this thread -- together we'll get through

Oh, I'm so sorry! Had she been ill? (I apologize if you mentioned it on this forum already - I don't read all the topics) And did he lose all those family members just in this one year?

He's very lucky to have you - stay together and be strong.

Dwight's family has (hereditary) polycystic kidney disease. He lost his mom and dad back in 1984 (his dad died of cancer) and then August of 2001 he lost his older brother - 2 weeks later his older sister - and 4 days later our son. Now Joni - who has been sick for many years with the kidney problems and recently her heart has passed on. So he has one more sister and 2 nephews (all three have the disease) left.

Hubby is the only one in the family that doesn't have the illness, so he's going through "survivors guilt" on top of all the other emotions. Since no one has made it past the age of 61 (and he turned 58 this year) I think he also has the "mortality issue" on the back of his mind too. Right now I think he's more "numb" than anything.

But we are strong together and I have all you ladies to come lean on --- so this too shall pass.