Hi Eagle,
I can so relate to what you are saying about your hair. I didn't do anything to take care of myself while caring for my Dad until one day while out picking up some groceries I went into a nail salon and got my eyebrows waxed. I didn't bring a tweezer when I left home and instead of buying one, I had them done. I really felt good after that, (even though it actually hurt. I'd always done my own up until that day) Take some time for yourself. I know it's really hard to do that, but you won't regret it. In fact, you really need to spend a few minutes on yourself sometimes. It will recharge you and help relieve some of the stress.

It's great about VON helping too. I know while I was caring for my Dad, even though we were doing all that we could, I always felt like maybe there was something else that I should be doing, or more. My Dad ended up on Hospice and when they came in to help, I felt so much better knowing that he was getting everything he could possibly need. We still did what we were doing but just having someone else check, and help, made me feel so much better. It was like someone saying, yes, you are doing everything right, Keep it up.

The crying is natural too. We need to release the tension sometimes. Towards the end, I got a phone call from a distant family member. That day had been a rough one and I didn't think I could go on but this person had just been through what I was in the middle of and talking to him really, really helped me. I am so grateful to him. I cried and he comforted me. Eagle, let it out when you need to, where ever you are. Believe it or not, crying it out will also help to recharge you and in return help you to be a better caretaker for your brother.

I'm sorry that you have the holidays to deal with right now. That makes everything harder. I missed my 29th wedding anniversary with my husband and that was hard but I think the holidays would be worse.

Hugs to you and yours!

Thanks Jane, KLM and TVC. Today was a much better day. Chemo days are usually quite serene for me. And being at my brother's apartment is often like a wee oasis in the middle of the chaos. It's very peaceful here. The hard times are when I'm running back and forth between here and home, while juggling chores, grocery shopping and cooking between the two. But when I know I'm here for a few days, I just relax into the quiet (brother naps most of the day) and catch up with my prayertimes, being here and napping myself.

I feel better today. Much more capable of carrying on through both the cancer trek and the Christmas preparations. I'm not going to be "on schedule" for the Christmas decorating or cards or anything, but hubby's been helping me get all the Christmas shopping and menu planning done, so that's a relief. The only shopping I have left to do is for my brother. He wants to go the shopping centre one day next week, where he'll get a wheelchair (big step for him!) and let me wheel him around to all the stores he knows he wants to browse and shop in. I'm so thrilled that he wants to do his own Christmas shopping! That takes another bit of the burden off my shoulders.

I'm so grateful for this place (BWS) to come "home" to. There is an immeasurable, priceless peace that comes from knowing you are all here, and that we can come together throughout the patches of our days and connect, chat, vent, heal, listen, laugh, weep and send each other on our way with prayer, care and loving support to lean against. You women mean the world to me, and I thank you so very much for being here and sharing your hearts and wisdom within these hallowed cyber-halls!

PS My hair actually co-operated today...until I had to stand out in the freezing rain to watch for hubby's car. Talk about a deep-frizzzz! LOL.

Oh and I would be so happy for a bit of frizz which usually means body to very fine hair. I am always amazed with the fact that women who have thick hair would like less, those of us with less would like more, curly haired women want straight and straight haired women want curly etc. etc. What is our problem anyhow? I have mine cut very short and theres no muss or fuss and its great.

Chatty, I'm one of those curly who wants straight girls!

Eagle, the wheelchair is a big step. Good for him wanting to get out and shop! That is fantastic.

I wouldn't mind either curly or straight, but this frizz is downright impossible to manage. It just looks like a mass of dry straw (despite good conditioning)...if I'm not careful, someone's going to mistake my head for the local nativity manger scene and try to nestle the baby Jesus in my hair!

I know the feeling Eagle. What I failed to mention is that my curly hair is very very dry. It looks okay right after I do it but once it's done, I can't touch it, comb it, brush it, or go outside. In fact, I can't even walk very fast out of the bathroom or it turns to straw.

ROTFL, TVC! It's so irritating, isn't it. When I get out of the shower with the leave-in conditioner still left in, my hair looks so promising. But by the time I get downstairs, it looks like an old brillo pad (and not the tidy curly kind). Very dry. I have good quality conditioning shampoos, leave-in conditioners, touch-up de-frizzers, special combs, but alas, for about 3 months of the year, it's simply unmanageable. It would probably be a good time to get it all cut off, but hubby prefers the dry, straw LONG hair to the soft, curly SHORT hair, so I'm willing to weather the dry spell.

We usually go down south for a few weeks every February (won't be going this year because that's when my brother will find out if the chemo has worked and we want to be here with him for the news). As soon as we get down there, my hair becomes luscious and curly.

My hairdresser will know what to do with it - I just have to keep a pretty hat on between now and the 18th!

My hubby likes it long too. I live in the south and I still have a problem. Oh well! We could have a lot worse problems, right?

Amen to that! Most days I don't even think about it. Like you said, there are a lot worse problems...like my brother who's LOSING all his hair...we think he'll be completely bald by Christmas. As a joke, I bought him some "anti-poof" shampoo. He was not amused. (But I notice that he keeps the bottle prominently displayed in the bathroom)

Lion, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your SIL, and for all the other losses endured by you and your family. And truly I am so sorry to everyone who experiences such profound loss. Eagle, thanks for what you said about Love and Light. I truly believe that love is the essence of us all, and in the end, all there is is love. The light is about being enLIGHTened to the LOVE. Eagle, the real gift in this Christmas season is the love that you are showing for your brother. We don't all get the opportunity to show/tell someone how much he/she means to us in our earthly journey. You and your brother are in the midst of an opportunity to give and receive love on earth. Too many of us let the moments on earth slip away, and when someone leaves this earth, we regret that we did not express to that person how much we cared. There is no wrapped present more worthwhile than the activities you are doing for and with YB. YH too is being able to give what is really real by being as supportive as possible. The VON gave YOU a gift by being there for your tears. Making one more phone call can be so overwhelming! The in-laws? You are not responsible for their happiness, or lack of. But the niece with the divorcing parents: she needs some tradition and security. There are so many of us who are facing the 1st or 2nd or 10th season without a parent; it's just the age range we are in with elderly parents. I feel so sad for my brother and his wife and his daughter facing the first Christmas without his son who died at age 17 Feb 2006. And survivor's guilt? How dare I enjoy this Christmas when my father, a brother, a sister, a close cousin, a nephew, grandparents, etc are no longer here? How dare I NOT? I am given the gift of being here to awake on that day for praise and celebration. I had always wanted a way to let my old grandmother know how much she meant to me. Each year, across the distance, I would send her gifts: a shawl, a robe, pjs, anything to keep her old bones warm. Then, 2 years ago, when she was 98, she got very sick. We thought she was ready to die. The family around her was going crazy caring for her. I flew from Missouri to Pennsylvania 2 times that summer to care for her, and offer the caretakers some relief. The hospital had discharged her to the care of the nursing home. But a bed was suddenly not available! So she had to be cared for at home. I spent 24/7 with her, looking into her eyes, saying I love you, helping her onto the porta-potty in her room (she was so sick the bathroom was too far) cleaning her vomit, tucking her in, just like she had for me when I was little. The last night at home before the nursing home room was finally ready, I slept not in the adjacent bedroom, but with her (she piled on 7 blankets in summer) I listened all night for her breath, literally waiting for the last one. We all thought she might not make it through the night to get to the nursing home. She thought she was going to the nursing home to die, we had to convince her she was going there to get better. Anyway, she made it through the night. While I was packing her suitcase the next morning, I came across the shawl, the robe, the pjs, still in their boxes, with the various post marks of the different states I had lived in at the time that I sent them, some with torn wrapping. She never even wore the gifts I sent her! She was too attached to her old things. But you know what? The real gift TO ME was not in the box. The gift was that I had prayed for a way to show my grandmother how much she meant to me before she died, and an opportunity was PRESENTed to me via caretaking. She celebrated her 100th birthday last August. And she knows, and I know she knows, how much I love her. So, may you all be gifted with presents that a box cannot contain. Love and Light, Lynn