This is coming from a long-time single woman...but I think we see things very differently than men do...on one hand...I can see that he may get his reassurance from the comfort of the relationship just the way it is...when the rest of the world falls apart...he knows you're there...and what feels better than your favorite pair of slippers (to borrow your analogy) on a cold winter's night...who'd want to come home and slip into a pair of brand new tight fitting high-heels...okay, Dianne would...LOL...but seriously...from his perspective...you may have the perfect marriage...

Sounds like you are wanting to know him better...and wanting him to know you better...maybe you can try focusing on the things about him that you really like...make a list...think about what attracted you to him in the first place...what I know is that you can't change him with your actions...