Meh. I'm ok.

I've just been in kind of a funk lately. Mr. Madness and I not getting along so well....I feel so used and unappreciated. Maybe that is just the lot of wives and mothers.

I mean, I work all day just like he does. How come I can't come in exhausted at the end of the day and sit down to watch TV while waiting for my dinner to appear? When was the last time he gave me a massage or rubbed my feet? Huh? When was the last time he told me I was an irresistibly beautiful bundle of sumptuous womanhood?

I've been ruefully reflecting on my life. I spent half a lifetime working and taking care of the family I loved and being the best mother and wife I knew how to be. Now here I am 30 years later, still look good, and I'm treated like the cleaning lady.

I remember the promise of the future when the kids were little and how happy I was....and now in my 50's after all that work and caring and effort, I have nothing to show for it. Just an aging woman without hearth or home that no one gives a damn about.

This was not how I expected my life to turn out. This is not what I had imagined for my future 20 years ago. This is not what I wanted. I was bright and pretty and loving--and everything I've done has added up to nothing. I'm really disappointed. Like everything else though I suppose I'll get over it.

Aging is learning how to live with losses.