On Tuesday's, they eat out together and I am not invited.

I have an grown only child from a first marriage. In that case, the love of my life abandoned me. He's been missing for approximately 20 years. He got involved with drugs and was changed from the love of my life, to someone neither me nor friends or family could even recognize.

Our son, my son was born with a bilateral cleft of the lip and palate. He had allowed our insurance to lapse. Two days after my baby was born, I was told I had no insurance.
He came to the hospital, brought his girlfried with him, and I went into shock. Literally.

I was raised Baptist and did not believe in divorce. I waited so many years, hoping he would come back from where ever he had gone.

I married John because I had been dating him for some time, while I was living with my mother and father. He and my son were so close. My son -- from the time he was six-months old -- had to endure so many surgeries. How do you tell a baby that his arms have to be restrained so he won't injure his face? How do you look into your baby's terrified eyes and somehow convey that he can't be fed because he is facing surgery once again?

So, I married John. I knew he had a "mean streak."

He does not hit me. He has just been with holding affection from me since approximately one year after we were married.

I am an emotionally abused woman, who cannot leave because she's 59 and has no where to go.

So, I just look for all of the good that I can. I have four cocker spaniels and I love them and they love me.

I have two grandsons, and I love them and they love me.

I am in a marrital crisis right now. But I'll get through it as will you.

Because, in the end, you have to learn how to love yourself. You have to make yourself a cup of tea or light a candle if those are the little things that bring you comfort.

Will continue.

((((Mrs. Madness))))

My heart goes out to you.

Emily