Hannelore, I am so sorry.

My dad was tough on my grandmother (mom's mom), too. Seemed she had every habit that drove him nuts and none that he liked. It made it hard on my mom. I think it was the only issue that they ever really argued about.

I always thought it was very selfish. I love my dad, dearly, but he is an impatient and arrogant man, in some ways. Now, with mom being diagnosed with Alzheimers, he has to learn his patience at 80 something. Too bad he did not learn it earlier.

I don't think that telling him you may leave him over this will change any behavior. Until threats such as this, are carried out, they sound empty. I am not suggesting that you leave him just to show him you mean it, but suggesting that you don't say it to show him how sincere you are in what you believe.

Changing your own responses to his behavior is most likely the best you can do. Instead of getting angry with him, could you respond in a different way when he is being a bully (may be the wrong word, it just sounds like bullying to me, the way it has been described)?

Keep talking it out, check, like Mountain suggested, for other health issues and know that you have friends here. Again, I am so sorry that you are going through this pain.