Hannalore -- sending you a big ((((((HUG))))). Don't really have any words of wisdom for you,although I can tell you that I'd have reacted the same way you did (including the thoughts about leaving him). I'd have been thoroughly pissed off and wondered why he was being an insensitive jerk. I'd probably bluntly have to ask him -- what's the problem? I agree with Anno that threatening to leave doesn't carry much weight behind it -- he probably just thinks "yea, sure" and keeps on going. I'm sure he knows how unhappy you are about his behavior (and it hurts even more that he doesn't care enough to do something about it -- I've been there with my husband sometimes myself). Maybe you should consider talking to a counselor. You probably won't get him to agree to go with you but even talking to one yourself might help you learn how to deal with him when he acts this way.
I don't know what I would do -- or what you should do. Every marriage has issues, some worse than others. Sometimes you have to ask yourself if you'd be better off leaving or staying.
Hoping things are looking better to you this morning.
((((HUGS))))))