Hannelore, I don't have any great words of wisdom. I know that if my husband had treated my Mom like this, our marriage would have been over a long time ago. My husband always treated my Mom, Dad and brothers is if they were his own - precious, cherished and beloved. And I treat his family the same way, most of the time.

Aside from any medical reasons, I find your husband's bizarre behaviour toward your Mother (especially at 80+ years old) unfathomable and can fully understand your anger and hurt. I feel the same way, and she's not even my mother!!

I don't know how to suggest you handle it, but I'm glad you were able to come here and share with us so we can companion you through this. I'll keep you in my heart today, and hope that your heart feels our care and love for you (and your Mom!)
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When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

(Maya Angelou)