Hannelore..
seeing your world from the ladder IS symbolic.
In counselling training we were taught to "think Martian" as a way of remaining unbiased.
years ago an eight year old in my class was run over and died.
That evening after a sad funeral my husband took me to walk up our local hill.1454 feet high.As I looked from all sides I saw the school... the cemetary... my home village his home. It was a moment I remember.
You seem to have had this too.
Now when I have bad days I use that walk to try to put a perception on things.
You are doing well........the family helping will do more than any counsellor.
Have you photos/videos of happier times...a trip to happy places to revisit? do all you can before making a decision.Even another trip away on your own where he goes through the missing you stage.
Thinking of you and sending blessings from Scotland.
Muntain ash