Here with Mother's Day right around the corner, I realize my mom has never really loved me or accepted me. She has treated me like a friend, not even a best friend, but not like a daughter. She has thrown my sister's children up to me and my brother's only son and went on and on about how cute my youngest brother's children are. My sister's oldest son is graduating from high school with 68 college credits and is going into medical school. My brother's son has been in medical school for two years and my other nieces and nephews are all doing well in school.

None of them have been in drug rehab or jail. None of them have had children out of wedlock...none of them have dated other races except my nephew in medical school was dating a pretty little girl from Korea. My parents think its terrible when someone dates another race other than their own.

Wow, the things you start to think of when clarity of thought is allowed in. Mom never likes my hair style or my hair color or the way I dress,or my spontaneous personality. The only time she ever approves of me is when I dress like a 90 yr. old woman and look presentable.

I guess I've been a big disappointment to her all these years. I need to adopt a new "mom" and a new family. My sister hasn't spoken to me in three years. I've sent her birthday cards and gifts. I asked my mom what my sister was into at the time and sometimes I prayed and asked God to show me what Rebecca liked and what would make her happy to get. I've tried to email her and she never replies. I've been so hurt and disappointed by my family. If any one of them had the same kinds of problems I've had, I would have done anything to help them.

The only time they all came to see me was when my husband passed away suddenly. Then they all came to the funeral and then ate dinner out and went to the beach. They all stayed in a nice hotel together and I was broken hearted at home. My oldest brother stayed with me and I was so grateful to him.

I need a new family. I need new friends. Blood isn't thicker than water.