Diane, glad to know you are a kindred spirit. I feel I would be missing out on so much if I thew away my childhood. My mom has hurt me so much but I still love her. She used to rip the ball off one of those paddle ball things and beat me all over the house with it calling me names and just beating and beating me all over my head and shoulders and arms...but then she would feel bad and take me to get my eyebrows arched or my hair fixed. Dad never did anything about it.

Mom would buy new clothes, lots of new outfits and new shoes and makeup and I got to wear my cousin's hand me downs.

Strangely enough though when I became beauty queen, she went right along with it and went to Springfield with me and made sure I got to borrow a wealthy lady's wardrobe for the finals.

She claims to love me, but I never measure up. She hasn't been to my home in years. Only when my husband died, then it was more like a family reunion.

Mom likes to, out of nowhere, and I mean out of NOWHERE, say,"by the way, Rhonda, why DID you do thus and so back when?" and it will be something I would like the whole world to forget! Its like she loves to play with your emotions and your head.

I miss being in a relationship but I'll get over it. I'm sort of excited because now I'm facing a new life and a new chance. I want to do my very best this time to love myself and accept myself.

Mountain Ash, I"m going right out to the library and checking out his book of poetry to take to work.

Casey, thanks, I should have done it months ago, but now it just seems right.