Casey, I thought alcohol was a stimulant. No wonder he is terminally unhappy. I will look for the book you mentioned. There are so many things I want to do. I want to get back in the kind of shape I'd like to be in.

I'd like to make friends, just friends and have a social life. One of the things my stbex did was chase all my friends away. I would introduce him to a new friend and all he could do was criticize them and insult them and me for being friends with them and wanting to socialize with them.

Another thing I'd like to do is start my own internet business while keeping my steady job. I need the extra income bigtime.

I want to try and find where God wants me to be spiritually. I don't seem to fit into a church atmosphere anymore. That concerns me deeply. I've never been one to just go to church out of fear of being struck from the Book of Life or anything. I just can't seem to relate or fit in. What might be the answer is cottage groups that meet for Bible study and conversation and fellowship. I have a huge problem with mega churches with CEO's and the whole family "reigns" with the pastor over the congregation and it seems so many churches feel that if they aren't on track to becoming mega churches, they are failing somehow.

Another thing I'd like to do is reconnect with my artistic and creative side. My stbex would constantly criticize me for being a dreamer who never accomplished anything. "Don't just sit there and talk about taking f*&^%g pictures, just do it, I don't want to hear about it!"

I'm not kidding myself. It will take some time to get myself back or a better self back. At least he didn't take my innocence or inner child away from me and he wasn't able to break my heart.