This might take awhile Di, if he ...wants to change his housekeeping ways. However you must have known his habits, before you married him...so he probably can't understand why you are bringing it up as a problem at this time. I don't know how long you have been married.

My personal opinion, is that if a guy is naturally a neat person...even before he met any woman in his life, there's a good chance, he will want to keep home livable by sharing chores when he lives with his beloved woman/partner.

That is the case with my father who rarely vaccummed, did household chores when I grew up. But in retirement he shares such tasks cheerfully with Mom now...it's his nature to be tidy and helpful. (yes, my mother is VERY lucky given they are an older generation.) Nothing to do with him being more open to feminism or whatever.

My partner is naturally neat and clean person. The problem ..is ME. I'm messier and more absent-minded in terms of household chores. His way of displaying anger/annoyance is factual, calm statements that he noticed how dirty the stove/bathtub was....when he was cleaning. He will leave the garbage for me to pick up for disposal, since it isn't asking much, etc.

He and I do cook. It's a symbiotic enjoyable task, where soemtimes he or I cooks for both of us, or some days he wants to prepare and eat certain meal but I don't, so I prepare soemthing else for myself. It works really well for us. And it really works well when both of us are highly open and creative to cooking and eating unusual dishes.

does that help, Di???

The only thing that saves me from blow-out arguments over my messier habits...is that I did have my own home that I maintained well for over a decade...Proof to him and to my dumb self, that I am capable of improving in habits..

I could not live with a guy who was not willing to cook several times per week and do some cleaning. To me, it would affect quality of daily living.