I had a similar problem with my mother who used to get hurt and furious when I would refuse large food care packages from her. Then I clued in ..that food and cooking were signals of love from her to her children. It was a tangible thing that signalled the time and care she spent washing, cutting and packaging up veggies..for us to save time and prepare food. She also would give in food care pkgs., cut, frozen meat for us. I used to trudge home onto subway with loads of food. Rejection of her food really was like rejecting her love. The connection is very strong.

And my mother and father do not hug their children naturally. It's not part of their style of family or in their past. So other gestures, actions become very powerful symbols of giving and love in our family.

It bothered me because i earned a good salary and didn't need any parent to this for me. So instead I started to ask my mother for certain foods that clearly I knew she loved to make for us AND I didnt' know how/just didn't make myself. So homemade sticky rice bundles wrapped in bamboo leaves and tied with string, etc.

Is there something, kate that your mother does for you, that you truly enjoy from her? There must be....she loves you. I find it hard to believe there is nothing. Maybe it's something she used to do for you regularily but no longer does.