Orchid: My only hope that I know my mother's resentment isn't him, and I believe my father knows this but more how she feels about herself. I do know that she knows she is extremely lucky to have been matched with a kind, patient and hardworking guy like my father.

Response:
My mother's resentment was my Dad. She did not appreciate
him at all and treated him like a child. She doesn't get it that it takes too. In her mind my Dad is responsible for all of her stress, problems etc. Although my Dad was wonderful to me, over time he did not really appreciate or want much to do with my Mom. Her nagging turned him off and he just couldn't deal with her anymore. I couldn't blame him at all. She drove me crazy because every time I would talk to her she would complain about my Dad. Just stupid things. He is always on the computer, he makes a mess of her kitchen floor when he goes by in his wheel chair etc. etc.

She had much to resent him for but unfortunately for her, she was hurting herself by hanging on to the resentments. In the early years he did not manage money well and they actually lost their house. He hid some things from her but that was because she would never just talk about things, it had to be her way, all the time. My Mom is the type that likes to complain but not do anything about it. She has a victim type personality.

I think I know my Mom very well now and I understand her feelings of relief. I do worry about her though. I don't think she is really dealing with his death. She is actually confused by mine and others reactions and the terribly grief we are feeling. Because she is moving on she thinks we all should. I think she just shuts herself down.

I'm one to talk though. I am in a bit of denial myself. I can't go to their apartment because I don't want to face the fact that he is not there. The difference between my Mom and I is that I work at these things. She just blocks it all out which is possibly going to give her a stroke.

I learned a long time ago that you can't change anyone, only yourself.
Kate