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My Mom is the type that likes to complain but not do anything about it. She has a victim type personality.
I think I know my Mom very well now and I understand her feelings of relief. I do worry about her though. I don't think she is really dealing with his death. She is actually confused by mine and others reactions and the terribly grief we are feeling. Because she is moving on she thinks we all should. I think she just shuts herself down.
I'm one to talk though. I am in a bit of denial myself. I can't go to their apartment because I don't want to face the fact that he is not there. The difference between my Mom and I is that I work at these things. She just blocks it all out which is possibly going to give her a stroke.
I learned a long time ago that you can't change anyone, only yourself.
Aside from how your mother was like in her marriage...then perhaps it might be more how she has been to you as a mother.
I guess we have to remember...who was the person that got up night after night, to give us our night feedings when we were babies.
I try to remind myself this about my mother.
I recall going to the funeral for a close friend whose mother had suddenly died in a car accident. Her mother was something like my mother in terms of temperment. The euology was delivered by a neighbour of the family. I found the euology just abit too general and did not give any glimpse what the person was like who died.
Granted it was a sudden death but to me, but the lack of personal definition, spoke volumes to me, that the adult children had not quite figured the role of their mother as a person. to even provide meaningful text about their own mother for another person to deliver in a euology.
I realized afterwards, that I don't want to her die and to be left without properly articulating when she was alive, what my mother gave to us, what she was a woman in her life.
so there is a woman in my life, who if I screwed my sewing tailoring project, she was there is pick up, to fix it hours into the night...after her 6 children went to bed.
so there is a woman in my life, who trudged up the staircase to give freshly peeled fresh fruits to each child who was studying in their rooms...every evening..
so there is a woman in my life, who gives care food packages when each of her adult child visits... I am literally the walking manifestation of my mother's healthy diet that she fed to her children.
and so on....despite her bad explosive temper...I have to accept my mother. She won't allow US, her children to define her. She wants to find her way.
But yea, it takes alot more energy and time to love my mother compared to my father.
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