I have a big problem. I plan to take my father's ashes back to Denmark. I want to go alone, well, just with him. We had talked many times about going with just each other, not my Mom but knew this would never be possible. My Mom takes up alot of oxygen and would be dragging us all over to places we would not want to go. It was just a pipe dream.

Now that my Dad is gone, I want to go to his homeland with him (his ashes) and see his country without my Mom. The other day we were both invited for a luncheon at a Danish friend of mine. She made special Danish food. This was very nice of her. Anyway, my Mom was doing most of the talking and saying things that were not true. Basically things I did when I was young, just basically recalling things from the past. A few times I couldn't listen to her tell things about me that were incorrect so I said, that is not really how I remember it. She got angry and said "You always contradict me" She said this more than a few times so finally I stood up and said I had to go.

The problem, I have been invited to relatives while over there and my father's very good friend. The friend told me that I am most welcome to stay but not my mother. When my father was alive, he tolerated her for my Dad's sake but wants nothing to do with her now. I don't blame him. She was very rude to his girlfriend and wouldn't allow her to come over and visit as they were sleeping together and she called this woman a slut. They are both in their 60's. This friend lived in our city for 8 years and recently moved back to Denmark.

Anyway, I know if my Mom goes she will ruin the trip for me. She will take over the entire visit and I won't get to visit with my relatives like I would on my own. She would also want to drag me to places she wants to go and show me Denmark through her eyes. She is not Danish and was born here. I don't want to see Denmark through her eyes.
Am I being terrible. Should I suck it up for her sake as she wants to come and spread the ashes. I don't think she is that interested in spreading the ashes, she just wants to go and show me everything and have it her way.

Today she mentioned coming with me and I said I didn't think you could afford or want to go. I told her that I guess I should have asked her. I also told her that I wanted to go on a last minute flight and also when I go away she takes care of my dog. Both my Dad and her like having the dog and part of the reason I got the dog was for my Dad. She usually stays over at their place once a week.

She got all offended and said "oh I guess I will just stay home and watch your dog so you can go" She is not a happy camper and I know that she is upset. She told me that she doesn't want me to go alone. I told her that I am fine going on my own and that I always travel on business by myself so she doesn't need to worry about that.

Anyway, I've offended her. I really don't want to go with her and would rather cancel going if she goes. I can't be honest with her and explain that this is something I want to do alone. She is very childish and would really get upset if I told her this. Any suggestions or feedback would be so helpful.
Kate