I feel that way too, like I need the journey and that is why I want to go on my own.
My Mom has a thing about keeping up appearances. I think she feels that if I go alone it will look bad that she didn't go and spread his ashes.

The fact that I can't handle her for long periods of time is not the reason I don't want her to go. I don't want her to go because I need to do this on my own. I can't really explain it.

The problem is she will never understand, nor will she try to understand.
Kate