After reading others posts, Kate, I think it's possible that you may have to get tough enough to say "I'm going through with this alone" and then go....and let the chips fall where they may. You don't get alone with your mother well and it seems you'd be damned if you do and damned if you don't no matter what. Follow your heart on this one.
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If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane ~ Jimmy Buffett