Kate
i have thought deeply before posting.Do you have to go to Denmark this year? Can you give yourself time and see how things evolve? Seems to me that we all do things when grieving thinking we must act sooner rather than later. You could visit Denmark (maybe with your Mother maybe not) but keep the ashes for a time when it will allow peace for you.
the act you are to perform deserves to be done in grace and then it will help you heal.
Forgive me if I say something that offends you.
Mountain ash