If my partner should slide backwards or something wrong happens, I know he would not do anything violent to hurt someone...or myself..because his stepfather used to throw things at his mother. She was/is a gentle woman. And my partner used to ....as a teenager defend his mother. My partner was deeply disappointed his stepfather was so different from his birth father...the latter would have never treated his wife like that.

Violence, ...can affect a child 2 different ways...either it makes them abuse OR they make a strong decision never to treat anyone else like that. (which is what my partner, Princess Lenore and dancer chose to do).

It takes powerful reserves in a child/teenager to resist strongly not to engage in any violence if there is some at home often. It is reaching children who are in this middle zone..we think they are ok...

My only comment to LJ is you need to distance yourself that you are not the cause of his inexplicable behaviour at times. It was there a long time ago before you....and probably excerbated by other recent family developments.

LJ, you probably are more confident in giving power to other people so that they can find themselves. You already have a good, loving relationship with your daughter. That is a good indicator. Perhaps control is something he has not yet figured out what his boundaries are inside. But don't over extend yourself. Keep safe.