This is rather long but I really need your input.

My stepson LW lived with his Mother until he went into the Navy 1.5 years ago. (LW is 25). He went in because he and his Mother spent money first instead of paying for the mortgage and their bills and LW went into bankruptcy (the house was in his name). His truck is part of the bankruptcy and when he went into the Navy has asked if we’d let him keep his truck at our place. His truck has a transmission problem. My husband, Larry, has been keeping the truck running as far as keeping the battery charged.
LW’s Mother moved down here to leech off her 30 year old daughter and they live in a one-bedroom apartment because both cannot manage money, have poor credit and cannot get a two-bedroom apartment because they cannot get a complex to take them based on their credit history.

LW went to Japan for six months and has returned. Instead of saving his money and fixing the truck he left with us, he took what little he did save and bought a ‘dead’ truck he found near the base. He wanted an old fixer-upper. He’s pouring every penny he gets into this truck and it still is undrivable. We’ve been bugging him to do something with this truck to get it off our property but he comes back with, ‘it’s in the bankruptcy and my lawyer is a jerk and doesn’t return my calls and I don’t know if I can sell it or not.’ LW’s Mother has power-of-attorney for him and was supposed to be trying to do something while he was in Japan, but of course, that didn’t happen because she’s lazy and procrastinates, too.

I saw LW’s sister (the one who is living with LW’s mom) online a week ago and instant messaged her to see if she knew if LW could sell his truck. Well, lo and behold, her mom was there also and they told me yes LW could sell the truck, he knows he can sell the truck and he even has the paperwork to do it, he’s just a procrastinator and doesn’t want to bother (lie #1 from LW). Said it would take about 4 months to get things moving and the lawyer was a jerk and wouldn’t return their calls.

I told them that since LW’s mom has power of attorney that perhaps we needed to bring the truck over to her apartment complex and leave it there so they could do something with it...that we were unable to do anything with it here and it was rotting as we speak. They said the apartment complex manager would not allow that to happen. I asked why not. They said they could only have so many vehicles and it would be towed. I told her perhaps if I contacted the police they would allow it to stay considering it was part of a bankruptcy deal. Suddenly, LW’s sister had to go.

I called the apartment complex and they said residents could have as many vehicles as they wanted but they did have to licensed and tagged or they’d towed. Since LW let the insurance drop and has not kept his tag up-to-date it would mean him coughing up money for that and that’s why they don’t want it off our property.

I called the bankruptcy court in the norther part of our state where it took place and was given the name and phone number of LW’s attorney. I called and got right in with the individual who told me that the first time he’d heard from LW was that morning (LW’s mom must have called him and told him to get busy on getting his vehicle taken care of). Other than that he said he’s not received any calls from LW in 7-8 months and that LW’s mom had only called him twice in the whole year and a half since the bankruptcy. (Lie #2). I told him it was conveyed to me that he was not returning their phone calls and that he was not working with them. He said this was not true at all...that he had done everything that was required of him when requested (Lie #3). He told me that LW had called but he wasn’t in the office at the time but asked that I give him the info needed to sell the vehicle. I wrote it all down and thanked him for his time. He was a very nice man.

I sat down and wrote out everything the attorney had said and sent a copy to LW and his mom and cc’d a copy to my husband. I wanted LW to know that I knew what was really going on and that he needed to do something about this truck and not just let it sit here and rot. His attorney was out this past week and will be back in his office next week and suggested LW contact him then about the steps he needs to take to get this truck either sold or returned to creditor (options given to me by his attorney).

I’ve since heard from LW and he’s not upset that I spoke with the attorney and thanked me for trying to help. He knows he has to deal with it. Now, the question is, is he?

Now here’s the question? How much more time do we give him before we move the truck to his mom’s (who has a power-of-attorney) so it will be her and LW’s problem instead of out-of-sight, out-of-mind, which is how LW’s put it in the past. We didn’t mind keeping it while LW was overseas but he’s back now and doesn’t seem to want to be bothered with it.

Situation, #2 is, he gets out of the active Navy in May and hasn’t saved any money for a place to live, isn’t looking for a job and may or may not have any reliable transportation in which to get to a job if he finds one. We’ve talked and talked to him about saving his money and being ready for when that day comes but it’s falling on deaf ears...he admits to us that he has a spending problem and it hasn’t improved since his bankruptcy.

I KNOW...I KNOW...he’s going to want to move in with us and his dad and I have agreed that this isn’t going to happen. If any of our kids fall on hard times because of no-fault of their own, that’s different, and we’d help them where we can and let them live with us until they get back on their feet...but, because LW wants instant gratification instead of saving for what’s important...rent money, utility money, car payments and on top of that he still has his bankruptcy payments that will begin again in June, we’ve decided he needs to dig himself out of this hole he’s dug himself into instead of us rescuing him. He’s telling us that he’s relying on a bonus the Navy is going to give him in July when he enters the reserves to get a place to live. We asked him...’where are you going to live in the meantime?’ He shrugged and said he guessed his truck.

LW has never looked for a bargain...always wants and buys the most expensive, goes from one expensive hobby to the next and ends up selling what he loses interest in later for half the price of what it cost him. He has no self-discipline at all when it comes to money and being responsible.

My husband and I have told him what he needs to do without coming right out and saying “you cannot live with us.” We’re both hoping we don’t have to do that...and I dread the day that I believe it coming when we’re going to have to say that to him.

One of my husband’s son’s is the opposite of LW...he’s hardworking, saves like crazy, has a home and two children. But LW and his sister could not save a dime if their life depended upon it...they take after their Mom.

I guess my question is...are we under any obligation to allow LW to move in with us when he falls on his face in May? How do we tell him he has to dig himself out of the hold he’s in? (Well, we have but it’s like talking to a brick wall). How much farther can he fall before he figures out spending isn’t going to put a roof over one’s head and pay the bills?