1. Does my husband listen to me?? Yes, he hears every last word I say, even if I'm 10 miles away, and remembers it ad infinitum and repeats it like a fripping parrot every time he wants to make a point about something, whether it's relevant or not. And usually it's not.

Meredith Solution #1: Do not speak to husband unless it's absolutely positively necessary. The rest of the time, let him rot in his room by himself.

2. Does he blame me for everything?? Yes, including things which I could not have known about, or done anything about even if I did know.

Meredith Solution #2: Agree with him whole-heartedly. Then proceed to blame myself for everything that's ever happened in our marriage, things that happened in his life before he met me, and global warming. This takes the sport out of it for him. Plus, by the time I've listed everything he wanted to, he sometimes forgets what the original complaint was. And if he remembers it and says it again, I just repeat the litany until he goes back to his room to sulk.

3. And while we're on the topic of "Annoying Husband Verbal Tricks," I'm married to one of the world's worst nags. Keep in mind -- if I say I'll do something, it's as good as chiseled in stone. So he'll ask me to do something -- and I'll say yes -- and two minutes later he asks again, and again, and again...

Meredith Solution #3: Three strikes, you're out. The third time Mr. Nag-athon opens his mouth, I tell him, "You're nagging me. If you nag me one more time, I will never ever, not in 2000 years, do this thing." He knows I mean it, and I never once backed down -- because once I've said something, it's as good as chiseled in stone.

Meredith All-Purpose Solution #4: when he gets annoying enough, I leave the house. Shortest amount of time: two hours. Longest amount of time: two weeks. When I get back, he's always so much nicer. Whatever.