dancer, I know you were talking to bonnierose but may I say that you also spoke to me! I, too, had seen a lot of this in ministry also and in study. Sometimes even though we've learned something, we still may live with it (not sure that makes sense to you but it somehow makes sense to me!) In analyzing my husband....and God knows I analyze everything under the sun, he had a military father, absent most of the time. He had a brutal mentally ill German mother. His father would often leave just to get away from her and yet leave his children to be abused. How sad. His dad also had one affair after another. Wow, what role model! Yet when his dad died a few years back it was my husband who sat alone holding his hand in the hospital. He reveres his father. Then he got into a long, cruel marriage with a cold woman. This woman has literally turned both of his daughters against him. He's been in so much pain that I have to admit I do try to soothe him in any way I can. He was raised also to be a man, not take blame, do what you want, don't let ANYONE push you around, etc. He can be fearless and he can also be so childlike. Yes, I'm guilty of doing a little mothering, too but not so much as just trying to reassure him. Sometimes it's exhausting, I'll admit. Anyway, thanks for your words to bonnierose...it was a very timely reminder.