Dotsie...I have an incredible, loving marriage and once my husband saw his children's tries at manipulating him against me, he realized he had one of two choices. Move in with his kids or be my husband. He'd been so used to them manipulating him and also let guilt of the divorce (it wasn't his fault...his ex left him for some younger computer geek who ended up dumping her) allow his kids to more or less call the shots. I've bent over backward to be supportive of his adult children and the only time we clash is when they try to walk on him...and because it's no longer tolerated (or at the very least it's met with resistence when necessary), they come around less. So, it makes me wonder how much do they really love their Father...or was it just for what they could get out of him all along?
Their lack of showing love and respect to him is one reason that I make sure that Larry knows he's loved by me. I go the extra mile in doing things for him...I want him to have no doubt how I feel and how important he is to me. I feel that one day his kids will grow up (probably in the mid-30's or there about) and start to see how wrong they've been during the past 3 years.
On the other side of the coin I've tried to see things from their side...not an easy thing to do sometimes when they've been so defiant and mean-spirited, but I'm sure after them living a pretty good life and getting pretty much what they want from a Father who was easily manipulated has been like hitting a brick wall for them since he's been married to me.
My SIL has been the biggest support for me during the hard times with my SC and I go to her for feedback and advice. Not one time has she nor any of Larry's family come back and said what Larry's kids have done to him is fair and just. Sometimes they've been outright appauled at their behavior...and Larry's past birthday was another disappointment for him.
I've decided that next Christmas I'm not going to do anything for LW and Danielle...they've continued to ignore their Father time and time again and I cannot keep handing them gifts of love when they do not return anthing to him. It may be wrong of me but I just cannot find it in my heart at the moment. I'm tired of seeing my sweet husband's hurt face and knowing that they could give a rip less. If he wants to do something for them, that's his choice...but, I've done all I'm doing until something changes.
You're right, Dotsie...you cannot change people...but I can change how I do things...and I'm going to give them what they give their Father...nothing.