This afternoon, I decided to move Robert's things out of the cardboard boxes they've been packed in and put it all into a trunk to protect them. I go through them alot so it wasn't going to be that big a deal -- until I came across an envelope with his ponytail in it. Rob had long hair when he was younger and had decided to cut it off -- I had saved it and put it in an envelope.

I wasn't prepared for the rush of emotion that went through me as I held it in my hand ----- it felt so ---- alive

I wish I could explain how I feel right now -- how strange it felt to know in my heart he was gone -- yet here I was holding this beautiful rich brown soft hair in my hand ----

It just reminded me just how WRONG this all is !!

I have locks of my hair when I was a baby -- and Travis when he was a baby -- mothers do that -- they save locks of hair -- mothers should open an envelope with their childs hair in it and remember how it smelled, how it felt to brush it -- not drop it on the floor with a gasp of how alive it felt !!!!

I'm sorry if this is an inappropriate post --this just rattled me -- more than anything that's happened since he died i just need to get it "out" before i go to bed