Micki,
I am sorry for your heartache. And, I am sorry for your father's illness. When my mother's Alzheimers accelerated I grieved the loss of our closeness even though she lived with me. I can identify with your grieving for your father even though he is still alive. Isn't it strange what jolts us? I remember years ago when my brother, Danny, died that the smell of homemade spaghetti sauce made me miss him...he loved to make "sugu" (our family's word for spaghetti sauce). A smell, a thought, a breeze, a visual experience, a touch, grief just comes pouring back in. Yesterday I was cleaning and came across the nightgown my mother was wearing when she passed away. Pulled me up short. I think that I am going to have to pack up everything that reminds me of her until a later time when it won't knock me for a loop as easily as it does now.
God bless you, Micki.