Shortly after my son died I was getting my hair cut and my hair dresser was telling us about how her marriage of 25+ yrs had just ended with a note from her husband that said he'd moved in with another woman -- she was devistated -- just as if a death had occured. She said something about my son having just passed and one woman started telling her that she had no right to "mourn" -- especially when here I was -- mourning the loss of a child ----- and at the same time my sister was in terrible shape due to having had to put her dog down (he was 14 yrs old) -- she kept saying how horrible I must think she was crying over a dog while I was going thru what I was going thru -- and I realized that a loss is a loss -- everyone's pain is equal when it comes to that. So I appreciate - with all my heart - your thoughts and prayers for me and my family for OUR loss -- and my thoughts and prayers go out to all of you that are dealing with your own loss.

I am blessed to still have both of my parents - they're 82 & 84 -- and I know that it's just a matter of time before I will be where so many of you are -- the child missing her mom and/or dad. (Pam - my dad's BD is Dec 29th too)

I have found peace in knowing my son isn't suffering anymore -- I choose to believe that he has painted all those beautiful sunrise's and sunsets just for me (well maybe JJ's dad is painting some of them ) and I believe with all my heart that he is by my side all the time.

But, like you said Kira - when my husband goes silent and I see the tears in his eyes - I know that something has reminded him of Robert - and it breaks my heart to see him ache like that. I wish I could take his pain away, but all I can do is touch his hand or give him a hug and stay close until it passes. And then there is my other son's pain -- he keeps everything bottled up inside and I don't know how to help him. This is so much harder to deal with than my own pain -------- I feel I not only let Robert down -- but his father and brother too.

When I start to get upset I remind myself that the loss of a loved one is not unique just to me. No, we may not all experience the loss of a child but we all find ourselves in the position, sometime during our life, of wondering how we're going to survive this ---

and that's when I - once again - thank DOTSIE for this forum and YOU special ladies for making it all work